outside forces

First for all of you who have been sending Gambit your support, an update. Gambit has had his drain tubes removed tonight, and while Dr. Tom was removing them Gambit kept giving him kisses. Guess he really wanted them out lol, but for those of you who know him you know that it is just Gambits nature, a big lovable lug that likes to give kisses. So far no surprises, the pathology came back the same as last time, the same REMOVABLE sarcoma, just need to get him in quicker next time. He will have his staples removed next week then we just need to wait for his hair to grow back from getting shaved. Go Go Gadget Gambi!!! (a Heatherism)

Now back to the title, that's right at times it is the outside forces that kick us straight in the ass and dictates when we need to make our next move.

That force happened last Friday. For reason beyond my control it was just time to move forward. ("I told you to clear off the landing and the spare room didn't I? It wouldn't hurt if you ran a broom or picked up your socks either wiener dog!") Yes wife I know you told me over and over............ (Damn I really miss that). But needless to say there is work to be done.

First the Florida room, all tools from working on the projects taken out to the shop and a good sweep, and sweep, sweep. Damn between the dog hair, dust, dead yellow jackets, and pollen all I can say is holy crap. But it is ready to be scraped and scrubbed, then primed and painted (Willard). That was easy.

Next the spare room, this is a completely different story. The spare room was going to be Heather's craft room to sew, bead, knit, and practice to be a voice over artist. (for those who knew Heather yes she was getting into all that domestic stuff she used to scoff at so don't fall over lol.) All but the craft books had been taken downstairs and put on the shelves, the room was still pretty much a staging area though with games and game consoles to be sold, bags, etc.. Some items to keep and others that needed to go. After getting most of the junk, and a broken light bulb up (I should have had shoes on Mary I think I have a piece of glass in my heel), I started to organize the room. Opening the closet to see Heather's summer clothes-rough, her pink leopard fuzzy slippers-rough, her jewelry, both made and given-rough, her two baby albums from infant to about 7 years old------rougher, and finally our wedding album---damn near disastrous. I had to stop take a few breaths look through it and move on. I was flooded with a rush of mixed emotions but felt Heather kick me in the ass saying, "stop dawdling, and get back to work!" When the room was ready I gave Mary (both her and David are pictured next to neighbor in "the big dic" per Heather or to the rest of us the dictionary) call and she helped me go through Heather's crafting stuff so that I could finish organizing the room. We talked a bit, laughed, cried, cussed and finally just shook our heads.

Next the office............here was probably the toughest of the tasks to date. I have tried to keep the office in some what good order, but in the corner the job I have purposely put off. Her suitcase. Heather's suitcase has sat in the same spot since I brought it home that damn night. Something that I have not looked forward to going through and wished that I could just put in a time capsule and not have to deal with. But reality is a harsh mistress and slapped me straight across my face, and slowly went to tackle the task. Almost as if a ghost had appeared, as soon as I opened the suitcase all three dogs ran up the stairs expecting their noses to be leading them .........to disappointment and depression. It showed and to anyone that says "dumb animals" can just go screw themselves (family friendly version), they feel, love, and long for their lost mother, even more so because of their acute senses that picks up anything when you open a closet, or a suitcase. They lay on the floor as I went through her items. Some I couldn't find a trash bag fast enough to put in others I was mixed, and finally the items that set aside to keep that she wore, her scent still faint on them, and finally an item that what to do with just had me dumbfounded. It was Heather's medical DNR form. What the hell am I suppose to do with this damn thing?

This damn innocent yellow piece of paper with, "STOP DO NOT RESUSCITATE" stamped in red at the top of it. This damn form that kept a room of medical professionals standing on the sidelines as Heather's mother and I held her as she faded and past away. This damn wonderful piece of paper that did more to put an end to Heather's pain and bring her to peace than anyone with knowledge or love could ever do. This damn piece of paper that was the last thing that Heather would ever sign. Again I asked, what the hell am I suppose to do with this damn thing? I still don't have an answer as this damn piece of paper sits on the desk staring at me.

And finally on this round Heather's closets. Yes, as much as people have offered to help me go through her things, there was something that struck me that it was time and I needed to do it privately. I started with Heather's summer things in the closet in the spare room. There were three areas...............donation, consignment, and keep. As I started, my chest tightened, eyes watered, memories flashed, but the act of separating wasn't difficult. Almost as I was led to the item and which area that it went to. Next was a bit, no, much harder. The closet in the bedroom. Not only was there the closet but also two of Heather's jackets that she had worn to work were still hanging on the back of the bedroom door. The dogs followed me as I went into the bedroom and watched as with tears in my eyes I slowly went item by item from her closet. First there was the hats and wigs that I plan on taking to the cancer center tomorrow that I hadn't yet. I think that I am ready to go back there now. Next was the drawers, this as relatively painless. Stockings, panties, bras, socks, the stuff that more or less didn't fall into any of the three categories and went into the dispose of pile. Next the hanging items, this was a lot rougher needless to say, as the dogs laid with their heads on their paws looking up at me, I went through each item and separated them. Then came time to bag the donated items and take the items down to be sold downstairs to my closet. Again it was as if being led what went where. With that, I decided to call it a night.

Again sometimes there are outside forces that dictate when we take our next step.

Speaking of next steps.....................IT'S THE FINALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who's going to win?????? Heather (even though she was in love with Tony) and I would both agree that Gilles should win (and yes I have had the hots for Cheryl and Edyta, and Heather would never let me live it done).
Guess we will find out tomorrow. Then "So You Think You Dance" starts next week!!!!!!!!!
(Damn you wife what the hell have you done to me!!!!!!!!) Well at least no more Project Runway, or Top Design. (Heidi is WAY over rated if you ask me anyway).


Still haven't heard anything from "What Not to Wear", but I truly thank all of you who forwarded her application to the show and maybe sometime in the future.