Saturday, January 9, 2010

Thanksgiving and where to begin

Hey Tammy I know its not Wednesday but here it is!!! LOL

Hello and a very Happy New Year, belated Merry Christmas and Happy Hanuka. Its been awile and maybe there is one or two of you that are stiull out there.

Where to begin? I guess that would be Thanksgiving and the good and bad that came with it. I received a call from an old friend and coworker just prior to thanksgiving out of the blue. She was stressed in her tone and it actually surprised me that she had my phone number. As it turned out she was calling and asking for I guess guidance. She informed me that she had just lost her husband who had been battling kidney disease for avery lengthy time. And as ironic quirky or coincidental this screwed up world can be, she lost Charlie October 14, the six month anniversary of Heathers passing. Strange? Or was it something more that in that conversation with her and reliving her recent pain as she asked questions it made me bring out stuff that I have buried inside and maybe help put pieces together of a broken puzzle. We talked at length at that night and a lot of pain and anger was released by both of us.

It would be fair to say that this season was not being looked forward too at all. Too damn much was going to be missed.

As I had mentioned in earlier posts Heather was the organizer almighty lol. This needless to say also included sending out birthday and Christmas cards. I received a call in the begining of November from Heather's father, which is always a good thing. This time it was different, see he had just had a birthday and even knowing that there wasn't going to be one still waited for a cheery happy birthday call from Heather. I felt lame because again, this is what "Heather did", and I am sure that Heather's mom went through the same on her birthday the first of December.

I appreciate very much all of you that sent e-mails to me to check in going into the holidays you have no idea how much it helped.

My parents made a "Northern Expedition" from Florida stopping here first for Thanksgiving on their way up to DC to spend Christmas with my brother and his family. Though it was a great time and the first Thanksgiving that I had spent with them in years, my thought kept straying back to last year prior to the diagnosis, she had just got home from having here surgery and her nephew Heath was here for the holiday. We still had Neutron, and Gambit was still around being his Gambi self lol. At that time, things were looking good. So much can change in a year. The activity was the same. the "love" in the air was the same, but it just WASN"T THE SAME. Don't misunderstand, I had a great time with my parents (even though my mother still owes me taking a taste of lamb you butthead) a friend came over and had dinner with us that Saturday, but there was just an immense black hole that I pray will either close or be easier to deal with in the future.

And yet I looked around with and without my parents around and I still have so much to be thankful for, because of Heather, family and riends and those of you that have reached out to me I will never meet I shouldn't complain. One of the heroes in a novel series that Heather loved had an explaination for the red arrowhead tattoos on his shoulders pointing ahead and it went like this- "Never step back always move forward". (thank you Joe Pike)