Monday, October 19, 2009

A prayer for the loss of one of our 23

Tonight I received word that one of our 23 has had a loss. The loss of a companion, one of unconditional love, devotion, fun, frolic, slobbery kisses, wagging tails, and I am sure there had to be mischief involved as well. Their companion succumbed tonight and needed to be put to rest. Any and all losses are catastrophic, especially when it involves one that is always there when you come home, doesn't judge, and always finds a way to raise your spirits whether it be human or canine and no words can ever relieve the pain. Tonight I say a doggy prayer, and extend support to one of our 23 dealing with their loss.

With sympathy and support

Scott, Rogue, and Jubilee

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Six months ago

5:41 P.M. six months ago I stood in front of Heather, my right hand on her shoulder as she faded to her next adventure as she left this one behind. Six months ago today I was responsible for informing family and friends of Heathers passing. Six months ago today I walked my wife, along with my parents and her mother, to the morgue and kissed her goodbye. Six months ago tonight we came home, toasted Heather and watched the elimination night of Dancing With the Stars. Six months ago on a day very similar today cold, and overcast I lost my wife friend and partner, others lost their daughter, sister, friend, and co-worker. Six months ago the world lost a modern wonder.

I have spoken to Heather's father, Mary, and my parents all fighting back tears as we spoke of how long and how quick these six months have gone by.

Because of six months ago tonight I will sit with a glass of chocolate milk, hold Heather's ashes in my lap and watch last nights Dancing with the Stars. I will cry laugh and smile and remember the woman that I never truly knew until she was gone.

Tonight I mourn and celebrate Heather Alexandra Annette Henry Brown.


Just like me, the world has no idea of just what it had lost six months ago.


I miss and love you wifey and always will, the kids and I wish you were here.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

the Book That Wont End

**I was going to delete this post mainly because at the time it the events of the weekend were a bit painful to complete and the reason for lack of following post. It will remain incomplete at this time, as we move forward.**


How many chapters are there going to be in this book? It seems recently there is something that either comes in the mail, I see on the road, or I find in the house that either makes me laugh like an idiot or pains me like being impailed by a spike.



This has been an unusual summer in Richmond, I heard on the radio that this is the first recorded summer with no bad air quality days. It has been slightly cooler than normal and regular rain fall that has not created a need for water restrictions, the first that I remember since moving here. The nuts ar falling early from the trees causing some to say that per the Farmers Almanac means an early and rough winter ahead. Also the humidity has been much lower than in recent memory. All what Heather enjoyed, cool dry summer days. The garden has flourished in spite of being neglected by me this year just being either too tired from work or procrastinating because I will be working alone in the beds. The roses where outrageous this year in my opinion, and due to the unique season we are having, have bloomed again withing the past three weeks. When I first pulled in the drive after they had bloomed I sat in the car and just looked at them and smiled as Jubilee and Rogue howled awaiting me to enter and let them out. A cone flower has blumed for the first time in three years, and Heather's Lamb's Ears has spread through out the front bed. Her Zebra Grass is attempting to creat it's own personal rain forrest while two new Nandina's have sprouted as well. I mention this because today as I was out cutting the grass I stopped several times and thought of how the yard was when we first moved in, and how Heather had a vision of how to make it beautiful. Toil, sweat, heated arguments, blistered hands, a broken foot, sore muscle and joints and her vision was almost complete. Dropping an irrigation system and she would be satisfied.



I have a shrub that Heather had bought for me that I have yet to plant, she bought it just prior to making the turn and to be honest I am at a lost as to where to put it without her input. It is called the "Dark Knight", she bought it for me because of the Batman reference. Silly isn't it, not being able to plant a damn shrub on my own. That's just the way things can be at the moment. But I do make sure that I keep the grass on the street side of the shrubs cut, lol, I can just hear her saying "how can you cut the front yard and not get the grass by the street?" Amazing how things that irritated you once can now make you laugh and smile.



I still have items that I need to deal with, and a major one is clearing out what was to be Heather's craft room. She wanted the room to do sewing, knitting, beading, and turn into a mini studio in an attempt to become a voice over artist. It is also the room in which Heather kept all of her jewelery.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

ohhhhhh HELLL no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok has anyone else's metaphysical eardrums shattered over the last two nights besides mine? Monday night, THE night, the return of Dancing With The Stars, a night that I have looked forward to and dreaded was upon us. Yes maybe a little over dramatic but very very emotional all the same. I had the DVR set and started the show about 20 minutes in and as soon as I did, emotion and tears took over as the intro music started. Next when the male dancers came out, cringed when they showed Mark and got a big smile on my face when I saw that Louie was back (probably Heather's favorite of the male dancer beause of his talent and choreography). Then the walk down the stairs and the pairs made their debut, and I swear Heather's box sent out shock waves and I could hear her screaming OH Hell No! as the walked down.

Some of the nicer things that came to mind in Heatherese were, "Look at Cheryl, they have her with that damn politician!!!!!!!!!!!!!!She looks horrified!, George Hamilton's kid (first who is he) and with Edyta? Donny Osmond, didn't Marie bring enough drama when she was on and they are going to try again??? Who the hell is that little blonde (family friendly) twerp trying to resurrect his career? Michael Irvin definately no Emmett or Jerry." And finally "They struck a gold mine with Ty last season he was cute, adorable, and a 50's throwback to the matinee hero (all of which were comments that she had made about Ty Murray), he is probably gentle as a lamb but Mark (MMA fighter) will scare the hell out of everyone" Now the Iron Chef Marc, also an actor in B and C movies would have probably won her over, and we dont even want to start about the snowboarder.

For those of you who knew Heather, and especially those who worked with her and analyze DWTS every Tuesday and Wednesday mornings might agree that I am not too far off the mark in how she viewed the first show, and can insert their own version of Heather's, ahh more elaborate lets say, terms for how she saw it (someohow that just brought a smile to my face).

The evening did bring on strong emotions though. I would look at her area, see her box, our portrait, the champaigne bottle from the night she left and we came home toasted her and watched DWTS, then look to her side of the couch (which Jubilee has claimed as her owned) looking at Jubie lying there yet seeing and hearing Heather as the show went on. I will admit it had me watery most of the night. Just another way that Heather stays with me of sorts.

As vaguely elluded to in an early post, my career has taken another turn. Either I have done something really right, OR I have really pissed someone off. Monday was my last day at Philip Morris, I have received a latteral promotion to be the Food Servicew Director at an account downtown in need of help. So either i go and turn things aroundor I'll be grateful that Congress just extended unemployment benefits lol. I do love a challenge, and this will be my mistress for time being.

Thats pretty much it for now.

Let me hear how you have seen DWTS so far, and did anyone notice the one female celebrity dancer who was caught rubbing her nose sort of down during the intros and then all shiney eye and smiley 10 minutes later? Sure I like a coke with my burger please and extra ketchup with my fries.


Da critters and me

Saturday, September 19, 2009

What a week, things were a little crazy getting ready for a new program at work. Last night was the first night that I got home before 8 pm and a rough count was 72 hours this week. The girls were great about not getting into mischief while I was gone and Mary (again) was great in helping when available. And...........................there maybe a new career step in my future due to my being such a "fluid" person but that will have to wait until I have more details.

It's currently 9:46 am est, as I post and I just woke up after logging in about 10.5 hours of sleep. I have shielded myself all week because of today how my reaction would be, thoughts, memories, etc.. Ten years ago "da Wife" and I said "I do", and we did. It was a sunny day then in the middle of Hurricane Floyd, and as I type a ray of sunshine is warming my face through the window. Its weird how at few things are going on this week, that or how the mind plays its tricks on you that the event is the reason for the happening. How certain shows either begin or end this week that we watched together, the pumpkin scone, "X-Men Origins-Wolverine" coming out on disc this week (Heather wanted to go to see Hugh Jackman's naked butt lol besides liking the movies) or how I woke up this morning. I went to bed last night with the TV on and did not set the timer, remembering the last 12 years the good and bad together and promised myself and Heather to stay upbeat all day today and fell asleep with the TV still on. When I woke up about 15 minutes ago that promise was immediately put to the test as I saw Ryan O'Neil standing over Ali MacGraw in a hospital bed towards the end of the movie "Love Story". Surprisingly the only emotion that I felt was comfort as I watched briefly Ali MacGraw looking up from the bed, the character displaying strength and love in her last moments and it warmed me thinking of Heather.

Well enough gooey stuff for now plenty to do today, clean, laundry, Starbucks, buy Wolverine and maybe a little Indian food later.


Love you all, and welcome to the new follower (ever want to make contact e-mail at scottbrown12000@yahoo.com)

Scott, the X-pooches, squirrel, chipmunk, and toad

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Pumpkin Scones

It's strange how one little thing can set off emotions. Yesterday was a great day, sun was out it was cool and low humidity. I felt like treating myself, I went to Starbucks for the first time since Heather's birthday and the hammer fell. In the pastry case were pumpkin scones, (another rubbing her tummy going MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM item) silly stupid I know, but when I saw then it got to me. Making weekend runs to make sure that I got one before they sold out and bringing it home to HEather just filled and to a degree still is stuck in my head. How over the years we would either sit outside, watch a movie, or come upstairs and fire up the computers and look at the pooches on petfinders.com. Amazing isnt it how 1 little item can turn your world upside down?

We all know the expression 'that which does not kills us only makes us stronger", well I saw another one the other day as a Marine recruiting slogan, "pain is the body's way of releasing weakness". Wonder where pumpkin scones fall?


nuff for today

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Labor day

whoooo raaaah!!!!!!!!!! its labor day, days off from where you get paid to have to do work where you don't. Go figure. But it is also a time to relax and hang with friends, unlike most holidays this one has no special significance other than reward the workers for those that get the holiday off. And for those that don't get the day off just remember that if they were off we couldn't buy gas, groceries, go out to eat, get that propane tank when the grill dies in the middle of your steak and so much more. Just think of the of the chaos if everyone had the holiday off. I know it's not the normal post that you are used to, but when you enjoy your extra day off next week and happen to go somewhere that you wouldn't if you were working on Monday, just be a little appreciative of those that are working.

Now on the home front, I guess that I have officially given up my dinosaur status as I sit here at the dealership posting as I get the oil change and inspection done on my wireless, whats next a blue tooth? Hell people have me texting too! Damn I am sounding like geezer (remembering seeing gray chest hair in the mirror after today's shower) ooops I am. But you know what I do know how to set the time on the VC...............ahhhh DVD system. Weather has broken here in Virginia, nice cool low humidity days. Wake up and its in the mid 50's great to wake up too. Dog's are loving the break also. Mary comes over props the doors open and let the girls out for extended times and they just love it she says. And yes they do, when I was off yesterday I propped the screen door and the kitchen door open as I was attempting to clean the house and hardly saw them all day. If I were to look out a window to the back yard the girls would either just be milling around or laying in the grass or dirt just soaking up the sun with big happy tongue hanging out puppy faces. It was also a great day to brush the girls outside also, and did they need it (bad dog dad). By the time I got done the patio looked like the floor of a barber shop.

Well that's pretty much it for now, they just called my name so I guess I need to pay the piper or mechanic in this case.


Have a great holiday!

Scott, Rogue, Jubilee, toad, chipmunks, and the damn assassin squirrels

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Three weeks and where to start

Sorry it has been so long since my last post for those of you that are still following. It ended up being the first Harry Potter movie that I watched on Heather's birthday, the three of us sat with popcorn and relaxed. Midterms went well thankfully.

Rogue has slowly made a complete recovery, so much so that when I get home at night she jumps up and bounces her front paws off of my belly. It makes me wonder just how long that toe had bothered her, and if it wasn't for Mary bringing it to my attention about her nail what could have happened. (Thank you again Mary.) It also makes you wonder just what all your dogs (pets) go through without complaint that we never know about. It seems as if they know that once we have acclimated as a pack we humans need them more than what they need us, and do whatever needs to be done to give us that comfort, no matter the cost to themselves.

I think of Gambit with that last comment. My big buddy that would annoy the crap out of Heather and I by getting in our faces giving us kisses or jumping in between us on the couch or on the bed to snuggle, or how he would start barking anytime Heather and and I would hug or snuggle and he wasn't involved. My big buddy that when Heather was sick, toned down and just snuggled her giving her love and comfort as she laid in the bed or sat on the couch as Jubie would guard them both. My big buddy who went through two major surgeries of his own to remove cancer kept bouncing back ahead of schedule. My big buddy that through all the years no matter how annoying, or obnoxious he could be did nothing but give his heart to us. Helped me through those first two months with his love just like the other two until his heart had nothing else to give and it was my time to repay him and let him go free that July night.

I truly believe that right now I can hear Heather's voice telling Gambit to get down, Spike to get out of the trash, and Spalding to leave the curtains alone. That would be heaven.

Work is crazy hardly leaving me with anytime to get done what I need to, let alone for myself or the pooches. The turn around at my location is almost complete and things should slowly come back to normal soon. It dawned on me today as I started laundry, that for the last few weeks laundry has primarily consisted of uniforms and underwear. (I need to make more free time lol).

I saw a commercial for the return of DWTS the other night and it got to me, for a couple reasons. If it wasn't for Heather, I wouldn't know or care what Dancing With The Stars was, and the other is that Heather passed on one of the final nights of the show. We came home that night after saying goodbye to her at the morgue doors, toasted her and watched the show.

Then the thought of a new TV season around the corner. It has already been a little rough when watching "True Blood" because that was one of Heather's shows that she couldn't wait to see after reading the book series, I still find myself looking to her side of the couch occasionally while I watch it. There will be many moments like that coming up I am sure each to be taken in stride I guess.

Twenty-one days and counting, 9-19-9, would have been our tenth wedding anniversary. A Saturday night to celebrate as long as there are no hurricanes in the region. But then again it would be appropriate I guess considering that we were married during Hurricane Floyd. Even though it really didn't do anything here it did have an affect on those trying to get here. Maybe a touch of Indian food will be in order for the night, finished off with a mango lase. (something else that would make Heather rub her tummy and go mmmmmm).

I took the girls to the vet yesterday to get there nails trimmed, and as usual they both had the girls working ooo-ing and ahhh-ing over how sweet they are (brats). And they were very pleased to see how Rogue has recovered from her toe removal. They did notice that Rogue's "dissolving" sutures had not dissolved yet so they had Dr. Tom come in and take a look. Snip snip, and gone Dr. Tom was in and the stitches were out. We chatted for a bit he asked how she was getting around and commented on how good she looked, then I treated the girls to a McDonald's hash brown on the way home.

Well I hear the dryer going off will write sooner next time.


Me and the crew

Sunday, August 9, 2009

A Good Day For Celebrating

Today started by going to bed last night. I mounded the pillows on Heather's side of the bed and in the place where her stomach would have been. For the first time since she has left I fell asleep in what had been my usual position, 90 degree with my head on and arms around the pillows a I fell asleep on Heather night after night.

I woke up this morning around 5:45 and laid in bed with Jubie for awhile as Rogue lied in her dog bed. The first that I hummed happy birthday as I thought of her birthday's past. I rose, let out the girls then fed them breakfast and got dressed. I then set out to Starbucks to begin today's activities. The barista/manager that always has remembered my name was there, and she greeted me as always with her pleasant voice, "Hello Scott your drink today?" I choked as I responded by ordering a chai with banana bread and then my drink and pastry. She stopped and quizzically looked up at me and with eyes watering I choked out that Heather would have been 48 today. Her jaws clinched as she nodded and finished my order. I managed to hold back the tears from streaming as I walked out the door got in my car and came home. After I parked, I got out of the car with the banana bread and chai. I took the lid off of the chai and slung it through the garden and then tore the banana bread and threw it in the yard for the birds then went into the house upstairs and sang happy birthday to Heather.

I have not been feeling well the past few days so I decided to go to a "doc in a box" and found out that I have bronchitis and an inner ear infection which has put a damper on seeing a movie with my friend or by myself but let the rest of the day continue.

Why is it that when there is actually someone that you want to talk to that calls you are in the bathroom? Well again that happened today. It was Heather's dad, I called him back and we chatted a bit about Heather and the day. And why is it someone else always has the better ideas also? And during our conversation Williard let out "maybe some celebratory Italian is in order for today?" And here I was just thinking of chocolate cake with white frosting. Next I Called my folks and hearing the tears in my mothers voice as she asked how I was doing and how she had "talked" to Heather today and wished her a happy birthday. Now for the easy part of the day................my ethics midterm (ha).

Printing off my notes, assignments, and previous quiz, I set the oven timer for 2 hours 30 minutes, then printed off a hard copy of the exam and the three hour race was on. Inspiration or preparedness but I completed the exam in less than 90 minutes and turned it in and scored 88. Not the best but beats the hell out of the 64 I scored on my quiz and was able to argue to a 76 now with a secure and strong upper B for the class I was satisfied with the day so far.

Now hunger began to set in and the words spoken by Williard bouncing around in my head. That right, the cake could wait and a call to Frank's it was. Eggplant, calamari, and tirimisu it was and twenty minutes later I had three of Heather's favorites sitting in front of me. For those of you who were here you know just how tasty it was (big full tummy smile to you all lol).

As I enter this post Doctor Who is on, and after that I will play a Harry Potter or X-Men movie. All in all it has been a good day for celebrating, wish you were here to enjoy it with me wifey, love you.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Happy Birthday Wifey

48 years ago tomorrow, Heather Annette Henry was born in San Francisco. 36 years later she was a faceless penpal from Minnesota. A year later she was sitting next to me as we started our life together. A year after that we were married with the world ahead of us. Five days shy of four months ago tomorrow Heather moved on to her next destination.

I found out today that the author of the letter that I read at Heather's celebration has vacationed in Chester California for the last 30 years. Heather and she may have actually met and just reunited through her blog. I told her today in an e-mail that the next time she goes to Chester to look up Heather's dad and second mom and maybe they could share some time together. Small world isn't it?

Tomorrow I will wake up. I will go to Starbucks and order a Chai. I will come home hold Heather and sing happy birthday to her. I will find a piece of chocolate cake with white frosting and eat it. I will take my last midterm and I may see a movie with a friend and if not I will go and see Harry Potter by myself. I will again celebrate Heather's life.

Though I may be without her presence, I will always be with her essence.

Happy Birthday Wifey we love you.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Finally Some Really Good News

I am still sitting at work but I received a very good voice mail today. Dr. Gary had called and left a message that Three Toe Ro (Rogue of course) pathology came back that all markers are clear! Yes finally some really concrete good news! Thank you all for your support.


Scott

Sunday, August 2, 2009

almost there

FYI on those who are following Rogue's progress. Today Rogue is almost back to her normal walk, its the simple things that can make you smile remember that.

Have a great day everyone.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Rogue-Date part 2.................A Year Ago and Today

First lets talk about Miss Rogue, I took her to see Dr.Szavik today to have her bandage removed and see how her foot is healing. Needless to say Rogue was not too cooperative once in the hospital to go to a room. But once we got her to get out of her hound dog hunker down she made everyone chuckle by going straight to the scale to be weighed. Come on now lets be honest, how many women go straight to the scale to get weighed lol (no offense intended). We went into the exam room, Rogue stepped on the hydraulic table and Dr. Gary lifted her up and with my arm around her neck as she panted, Dr. Gary took off her bandage. No swelling, no redness, no odor, things are looking really good. We still have not heard from the lab on the results of the biopsy from the toe that was removed but right now all is looking good. Though still limping, it has subsided some also i think mainly from having the bandage removed and more freedom to her ankle. She still needs to be leashed walked when going out but that is such a small thing to deal with in the grand scheme of the world right now. She has a happy puppy face on now with her head squared, and her ears blocked out and tongue hanging, just need time to take its course for her to heal completely and hope that the labs come back clean. YAY Rogue!

What were you doing a year ago today? Do you remember? August 1 2008, it was a Friday, we were getting ready for a new menu roll out at the restaurant that I was managing and I was joking with my morning staff on what I was going to get Heather for her birthday. There were serious suggestion, smart ass ones, ones that would make a sailor blush, and some just damn stupid. I was stumped had absolutely no idea what to get her, I had no idea how the next few days were going to turn out. That following Monday (8-4-8) I broke my foot and joked how it was at least something that she wouldn't expect. That led to two surgeries, almost 4 months out of work most without pay, to only find out Heather's diagnosis the week before returning. How things can happen and snow ball is amazing.

Here it is again August first, and again I am stumped on what I am going to do on Heather's birthday all for another reason. The thought has been in the back of my head for at least two weeks now. Sometimes I smile and think of what we had done in the past, other times I sit with a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat just lost as to what to do. Heather would have turned 48 next Sunday, I would have joked about her closing in on senior status, maybe getting a cane or a walker for her. But at least she would have been her to joke with. I can still joke to myself that she will be one of if not the only member of AARP never to hit 50 (auto membership when I joined last year). Maybe I will buy two tickets and go and see Harry Potter finally.

I have completed what I think is the last major administrative issues since Heather's passing. I finally closed on the refinance of the house yesterday. After close to almost 3 months and too many glitches to go into I finally sat at a desk and signed on the dotted line. Even the closing had its own unique issues to boot. Not going into great detail but the ladies at the branch waited with me after close on a Friday night so that the I could still meet the notary bringing the paper work, and Ginger sat with me for moral support and to lock up after as I signed the documents. (thank you Ginger and ladies at BoA for all your help and support) I was relived because the ordeal was finally over, but depressed also. It was a little more than 9 years ago that Heather and I sat down, smiling and excited, to sign the paper work giving us this house and now I sat there signing my name and my name only on the document. I stared at each page with that thought in my mind as I signed them. It seemed as if so much pressure had been removed, yet I would gladly accept it all again if things were different.

Thank you all for your support

Scott, Jubilee, (three toe) Rogue, rabbit, toad, squirrels and chipmunk

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Rogue-date

Sorry it has been awhile since my last post, work and school giving me a swift kick in each cheek. Until today I really did not have an update to give you on Rogue, but her is what I have found out since Saturday................

Saturday I took RoRo in to have her bandage changed, Dr. Tom's wife thought that it was best to leave her there over the weekend crated so they could let it air out.

Monday The pathology came back and Rogue does have cancer in that area. Per Dr. Tom, it is probably the best place to have it, localized and not on a weight bearing toe. Decision to leave rogue over night and have toe removed today. Precaution of having a chest x-ray taken to make sure nothing was hiding before having surgery.

3:15 Today, Dr. Szavick called surgery went great, Rogue is still groggy, and the CHEST X-RAY CAME BACK CLEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When I saw Dr. Tom last night, I "jokingly" said enough is enough already, you have got to give me good news sooner or later. Well hopefully this means the girls and I are turning the corner and getting away from the dark clouds that seem to stay over our heads.

5:15 today signing off, going to the vet and as log as Rogue is alert enough to come home bringing her back with me. (Jubilee has been so lonely with her gone and when I need to leave the house, it is the only time in her life that she has been left totally alone, sure she is going to go crazy when I bring Rogue home).


Thank you all for your positive thoughts e-mails and prayers


Scott and Jubilee

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Rogue has a boo boo


And the fun just keeps on going. Rogue has been licking her front left paw over the last few days. Mary noticed that it was swollen and left me a note on Friday. Yesterday morning I took her to see Dr. Gary, Dr. Tom's partner. It appeared as if she had managed to pull the nail sheath away from the quick, Dr. Gary ws not too happy with what he saw and decided that Rogue needed to have a little more attention than just a visit. The hospital is only open until 1pm on Saturdays, he said for me to leave Rogue with him and that either between appointments or after hours he would put Rogue under and work on her toe. He also told me that he would come back later in the afternoon check on her and give me a cal if she was ready to come home.


About an hour or so after leaving Rogue at the hospital Dr. Gary called and said that she was resting but he didn't like what he saw, and thought that there might be a possibility that she may have a tumor on her foot. He took a tissue biopsy and has sent it out for testing and should have the results in 10-14 days. He also said that if it was a tumor that there was a strong possibility that the toe would need to be removed.


About ten minutes after I had finished cutting the front yard Dr. gary called to let me know that rogue was up and alert and that I could come and pick her up. When I got there and Dr. Gary let me in we went back to get Ro Ro, and she damn near pulled my arm out of socket on the leash lol.


The pain meds have worn off today and she is a little more subdued and taking her antibiotics until we see the doc again on tuesday, and then the waiting game for the biopsy results. As if little miss non chalant could look any sadder with her classic hound dog face put a big white bandage on her paw lol. Please keep your fingers crossed for the girl, and how many more months left in this damn year?

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Starting to get numb?

Tuesday was the dreaded 14th, and yet it wasn't that bad this month, the third month. I thought about it all weekend, along with thoughts of Gambit and the loneliness that we feel without either of them in the house. Yes I said we, both Jubie and Rogue get "perky" ear if anyone mentions the word "mommy". Jubilee especially, her ears perk up she looks to the kitchen, then with a growling welcoming bark runs downstairs waiting for Heather to walk in the door. Rogue will get "puppy ears" and her tail starts to go into a propeller spin. I still reach over looking for her in the middle of the night. We all hear the phantom steps of both da wife and da big guy when we sit down stairs, time for breakfast or dinner, ande when ADPP is called in the evening. (After Dinner Pee Poo another Heatherism)

I'm not sure but maybe my job has a little to do with it. So far I have seen a few of the people that Heather has worked with over the years and for some reason that I cannot explain it has been helpful. Among them one person in particular that I had to inform that Heather had passed. Maybe its because knowing them through Heather makes me think of the past that or the fact that when I see them we just talk is helping me see that I need to move forward and not live in the past, not become stagnant like Heather dictated lol. Maybe I am just becoming numb to the date. Mindful of the date, remembering the day abecause nd events I just did not have the same sinking depression of the last two months. Maybe also it is the first month after Heather's celebration and there is a little stress that has been released or taken away.

I just hope that when all is said and done it just means that I am starting to come to terms, and not that I has slipped into numbness.

Not only do I still have issues with Heather and Gambits passing, they just dont seem so severe now. I hope this is just a sign of healing and nothing more.


Scott and the girls

Monday, July 13, 2009

amendments

First I forgot to thank everyone that had sent emails to me regarding the loss of Gambit. For those of you who actually were "lucky" enough to meet him you know just what a character he was, and why he will be missed so much. For those of you who never had the opportunity to meet the big guy I hope that I have been able to show at least a tenth of how much a member of the family he was. Just like Jubilee and Rogue now, Spike Spalding and Neut before they transcend past animals and pets.


OK Michelle, here you go and for anyone else curious about the conviction confusion. My criminal back ground check came back dirty for the new job that I have. I found this out late Friday night, 4 days before leaving my previous position. There was no one to speak to about it over the weekend and to be honest it had me sweating bullets until Monday morning when I was able to talk to someone about it. As it turns out there is another person in another state with the same exact name, and same exact date of birth that has a felony conviction, and felony warrants out from a few years ago. Needless to say it was not me and after answering a few questions, everything was straightened out. Still it made for a sleepless weekend lol. There you go the short and hopefully not to boring story of my brief non-criminal career lol.


Have a great day all, find something that you enjoy and just do it!

Scott the girls, rabbit, toad and squirrels (yes back in force and almost took out Willard when he was here, should have had my batting helmet on lol)

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Heather's Revenge..............Support...............Country Music

It has been a bit since the last post, a little time for reflection, taking care of unfinished business, and the thought of Heather's revenge.

We the pack have slowly adjusted to our new numbers, though smaller we will stay strong. The kids have almost adjusted like their father. Jubie and I still look for Gambit to come storming down the stairs to go out and have breakfast in the mornings. Jubilee still is a little hesitant about getting in the bed at night and sniffs for signs of the big guy when she does. I still reach over in the middle of the night thinking that I will but my arm around Heather or get a big wet slobbery kiss from the big guy. Reality sets in you sigh and go forward.

I had my appointment at the consignment store this past week to take some of Heather's clothes, shoes, and bags. It was very strange putting them in the car, another part of denial that had to be dealt with. the longer they were in the house the..................I think you can figure out the rest. The ladies at the shop remembered Heather and we talked about her, not her illness or death but her. It was great, almost like the celebration had rolled over to that day in the store. They were more than helpful with showing me the ropes, as simple as they are, to the extent of allowing me to leave the out of season items there until the proper time so I did not need to take them home only to bring them back again. (But the rats did put me to work by making me hang items on the top rack that they couldn't reach and one of them had taken their step stool home and forgot to bring it back lol).

Now as far as Heather's revenge, she always had joke that the women in the house were out numbered. At one time it was me, Spike, Spalding, and Gambit against Heather, Rogue, and Jubilee. Well Heather must be both laughing and crying because it me with the two girls, and her with the three boys.

It has been a hell of a first half to the year so far. This is not the type of change I was expecting after the election. To answer this type of situation sometimes sick warped humor is all one may have to get them through the day. To make light of disastrous times or situations is not done out of disrespect but more of a survival mechanism and unfortunately I have been digging very deep into the joke bag. Hmm lets recap the first six months or so shall we?

We gave away an overly energetic dog.

My wife and friend, your daughter, sister, friend and co-worker died.

I needed to sell a car.

Was rear ended the day I sold the car.

Have been mistaken for a convicted felon on my background check

And finally I had to put my big buddy down to spare him from suffering.


And people wonder why I hate country music? Mainly because I am living the greatest number one song of all time it just hasn't been written yet. How I wish someone would write and record the song so I could but the old joke to the test; play it backwards and you get everything back. but you know what, I don't need the car back.

please don't be disgusted, but I do hope it made you chuckle.


Just me and the girls

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

A Little Bit About the Big Guy




Before I start to talk about about Gambit, I need to address how tremendously luck that Heather and I are to have Mary and David not only as our neighbors but also our friends. I do not know how I could have managed these past few months without their help and friendship. Mary has been such a blessing in helping to take care of the dogs. While I was working nights Mary volunteered to come over and feed the dogs dinner and let them out. Then as now while working days she comes over and lets them out for play and pottie time. Not once has Mary ever complained about coming over in bad weather and most of the time she leaves me a little "Mary" note letting me know the goings on of the day. (That is when I leave a working pen and paper for her.) David, how many neighbors will not only help you put your dog in a car but also ride with you and sit with you for three hours while decisions are made concerning fate of a valued and loved member of the family. I don't know what ever possessed them to but the house behind us but I will be forever greatful that they did. People like Dave and Mary just do not exist anymore.




Now about the Big Guy, my Big Buddy, Gambit.




Heather and I found Gambit in the spring of 2001 at a multi shelter adoption fair at Universal Ford. When we went our primary objesctive was to find an Irish Wolfhound for Heather who had had one by the name of Mel while living in Minnesota. We walked the lot, saw dogs, cats, birds, reptiles and snakes. We then came upon a small booth of a husband and wife small no kill shelter that had only two or three crates. In one we saw what appeared to be another black and tan coonhound curled up. Considering that we had aadopted Rogue the previous year we thought what the hell lets take a look.




As the husband went to open the crate and attach the leash to the collar out came the handsome dog who's coat shined like it had been finished with laquer. Out he came tall and proud and bouncy. He was not another black and tan but a brindled black and tan Greyhound/Doberman mix. We took the leash and he stayed by our side as we walked the lot never straying or pulling away. (OK how many of you are making the fishing motion right about now going "hook, line, and sinker") We went back to the booth, and talked to the husband and wife about his background.




At the time his name was "Trouble", they had him in their posession for about three years. He had been adopted out a few times only to be returned. He was also a court siezure, the couple had taken his original owner to court to gain custody due to neglect. See Gambit from the time he was a pup until taken was raised in a 10*10 pin without any contact with other dogs and rare human contact except for food and water. When put with larger dogs he would be bullied and did not defend himself, and subsequently the couple had to put him in with the smaller dogs. After a brief discussion and his sad story tugging at our hearts we decided to adopt "Trouble".




And for a while that's exactly what we thought we had done. "Trouble" was very exciteable and energetic. and did have a few bladder issues that put Heather and I at odds, and Heather to tears on more than one occasion. We too had a few time discussed returning him due to how he was in the house. But his soulful eyes, and uncontional love won out and we decided that we needed him.




We had decided that our dogs would be named after the X-Men, and the most appropriate name for him was Gambit. Energetic, mischievous, a thief and at times destructive. He loved to do things wrong and then bring them to your attention, like taking a sock out of the laundry basket and bringing it to you saying "see what I did". Almost like a child that would do something wrong and then sign their name to it (sound familiar mom?). He was also a very loving dog, needy of attention as those of you who know him and those who recently had the priveledge of meeting him know. He loved to get in the bed between us and "spoon". He would always find a way to have his paws on Heather's or my back, and tuck in close to the other. He loved to be cuddled in bed also. Wrapping your arms around the big guy was the best thing in his mind and he would find a way to whip his head around and give you a big wet one to tell you so. Gam was also the most outwardly empathetic of our dogs when one of us were sick or hurt. He would come up to which of us were under the weather and with big sad eyes look at you as if asking how can I make it better. When Heather was sick and staying home he stayed with her constantly snuggling her and giving her the non traditional gentle Gambi kisses. He was heartbroken, and depressed when Heather past always looking for her and wouldnt go on the bed.




Gambit was a rascal also to say the least. He was an expert thief, and take any unprotected food item from right in front of you in a blink of an eye. When David was building his shop in the back yard I was able to help him on Saturday afternoon. Mary was kind enough to go to subway and bring back sandwiches for us. As we sat their eating gambit came into the yard and stealthily came over to us, slowly circled behind us, and like a great white shark snatched the other half of dDavids footlong sub from between his legs and in two chomps and three strides a six inch Italian was gone before David or I could say let alone do anything. As in gambit style he then stood in front of us tail wagging with a huge grin on his face saying "that was tasty". I broke out laughing, David after the immediate shock and fighting through being upset laughed also. What else could we do? It was Gambit!




Gambit will also always be remembered for "his precious" strobing lit hard rubber balls that he would play and become obsessed with. He would either stand over or lie over them, watch them, "scold" them then pick them up and chew them then start the process all over again. He was notorius for "losing" his precious under the bed while he slept. When ever he would see either one of us with a broom upstairs, his tail would start to wag, he would bark, and position himself with his front paws under the bed, his butt in the air, and nose forward to where his ball was and wouldn't move until you got it for him. We fed the dogs in twelve hour intervals, and gambit knew exactly when time was up and would go and start to nose the can that the food was in as if saying "Hey I'm hungry here!"




I could go on foever to talk about the big guy like any proud parent would their kid but I think this is enough for now. I am sure that there will be a few more post that are dedicated to Gambit in the future, when I can write them a little more clear in the heart, mind, and eyes.




When I arrived home tonight on the table there was no "Mary" note but five pictures of our pooches, and a big heart drawn on paper that Mary had signed for her family including her three dogs. Mary thank you very much, while sad and causing the tears to run freely, at least I could see my Big Buddy when I got home.




GO GO GADGET GAMBI!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Give Mommy a Big Wet Kiss Gambie

The title pretty much tells it all. It's 10:46 pm at the moment Mary's husband David has just brought me home from a night that I was not expecting.

Gambit's tumor had started to grown back, I was originally going to take him to see Dr. Tom on Thursday, a day that I have planned to go to the consignment store. Saturday morning after breakfast Gam had started to act lethargic, and his appetite was waning. This morning I called to take him in to get checked and make arrangements to have his tumor removed again. Dr. Tom drew labs and took a chest x-ray to make sure that the tumor had not started to grow inward. The x-rays came back negative, and the lab results would have been back tomorrow. Things were looking good at that time, just keep an eye on Gam.

After dinner Gam was a little unsteady going up the stairs, so I helped him up. I laid in the bed, Jubie jumped in and Gam was at the side ready to jump. Next I heard a thud as he collapsed on the floor and was just lieing there. I was freaked, scared, and shocked. I called to Dave and Mary's and asked if one of them could go with me to the Cary Street Emergency Animal Hospital. It seemed as if I had just hung up and David was there. As I put the leash on Gam he seemed to perk up back to normal. Confused I looked to Dave asking what the hell I should do. I took Gam out to see how he walked and he seemed normal.......until we got in the house.

On the verge of deciding not to go to the hospital, Gambit collapsed again in front of us. David took Jube and Rogue outside as I gathered up Gambit and we put him in the car. It seemed to take forever for us to get there. David vigil on Gambit and supporting him as we either went through turns or braked. We got to the hospital they took him straight to the back. The young Dr. then came and talked to us about 20 minutes later. It appeared as if Gambit was having electrical misfires in his heart where the charges were fighting against each other and improper blood flow was going through his body. Talk of x-rays, cardiologist, lanacaine treatments then followed. As the Dr. was explaining this to David and I Gambit evidently had another episode in his crate. The Dr. decided it would be best to take abdominal x-rays right away to make a determination if he had a mass that we were previously unaware of.

Sitting in the lobby area we were waiting to see the Dr. with x-ray results, though the thought of what was about to happen was in the back of my mind since he first collapsed I was not ready for what happened when the Dr. came out. She was holding Gam's ecg tapes, with a very concerned look on her face she began to go over them with David and I. Per the tapes, there was a 90+% chance that Gam would succumb to sudden death sometime during the night, yet she left the option totally to me with out making suggestions, which is what she needed to do even though I tried to prompt her to tell me what she would do if it was her dog.

If there is one thing that I have learned, no Heather taught me, during this whole goddamn time frame is that the NEED of dignity of the dieing far out weighs the selfish, greedy, petty wants of the survivors. I could have very easily made this turn around to make it about me, my needs, wants, and selfish desires to keep him with me no matter what the cost and pain it was to my big buddy to have tried to keep him dangling on. I made the decision after his last surgery that I needed to honest with how I saw what was best for him, or any family member in the future.

Gam probably stayed longer than he should have for me, now it was my turn to repay him and let him go in peace, in my arms and not alone in a strange place. Bitter as it was the decision was easy to make. They brought the big guy in so we could be alone for a few minutes before he moved on, and if I had any doubt in my decision it was washed away when I looked into his eyes, it was time. I held him got a last lick, gave him a lot of kisses and talked to him. Told him how much I appreciated him and glad he was in our family. I told him to find mommy and give her a huge wet kiss in the mouth. I can almost her Heather now screaming "poochanoockli, poochanookli!!!" in a laughing tone as Gambirt slips her the toung (lmao).

I knocked on the door signaling the Dr. to come in as we both got on the floor next to Gam as she began the injections. Slowly and without trouble (typical Gambit) my big buddy slumped into my arm as he took his last breath. Gambit was at rest, peace, and with his mom and two brothers at 9:47 tonight.

The bed just got bigger and a little colder again tonight but his warmth will burn inside of me along with Spike, Spalding, and their mother, my beloved and missed wife for the rest of my days.

GO PLAY BIG GUY, GIVE MOM A BIG WET KISS AND TELL HER I LOVE HER. I'M GOING TO MISS YOU BIG BUDDY.

GAMBIT BROWN
JULY 7, 2009
9:47 PM

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Guilt

I at times still have my moments of anger due to Heather not being here when it comes time to doing things or going places that I need to do it alone. But those feeleings are slowly changing to guilt when it comes to doing or going to fun things. I know that I shouldn't, and yet I still do. I wish and talk to Heather that she should be with me and enjoying this with me. Last night as an example, I went to some of our very close friends for the evening and hung out. I was periodically struck witht he feeling that this wasn't right without Heather. We had fun, we watched the race, and later I went home. When getting home I sat in the drive way and couldn't stop talking to Heather about wishing she was with me tonight to enjoy the evening. (Especially since Kyle wrecked himself lol).

I know she and I joked about not becoming a hermit, that I would need to get out. She once even threw out how she needed to get me datable but hadn't got me to pick up my socks and shoes yet (what a brat). I guess this is another thing that will pass with time, but now it leaves me a little empty and guilty.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Somebody was a Shutterbug!

Every good party has pictures here are a few..............................(more after I find them


Welcome! Please sign in.



Various pictures of Heather and a "few" of her certificates.

Welcome Banner


Fashion Spirit Board





Dreams Spirit Board along with our wedding album and Heather's baby and child albums




Heather's UCLA Para-legal certificate, production accountant certificate




Many of Heather's friends and family from work, home, and childhood. Dr. Tom,St. Francis in a smock, center in the maroon t-shirt.





***out of order***
My mother in front of Heather's shelf, Heather, our special champagn bottle, the thinker, and a few of Heather's favorite Egyptian pens








More of Heather's friends and family








let the party begin!!!










Tammy (LA), sister Jennifer, the uncanny X-Pooches and me








Nephew Ethan








(second Mom) Sharon, niece Hannah






Friends Yvonne (richmond) Tammy (LA)







Tammy (LA), Willard (dad) me, Rogue and Gambit, Jennifer





Becca (SF), UE (Ed, LA), Christen (Childhood friend), Bobby D (Yvonne's Husband and my bud), Kim (Utah, Barbara's friend)









Jennifer, Uncle Doug (San Diego)




Kim, Barbara (Heather's mom), Becca, UE







Bob and Christen





DAMN THE PINK LEOPARD HAS A BLOND HUSBAND!!!!!
(if you came down this far its the least I can do, just dont choke while laughing)


























Sunday, June 28, 2009

Wife, you threw one hell of a party!

It's currently 7:16 am EST as I sit here with my coffee, Jubie lying beside me on the floor, Gambit and Rogue in the bedroom all have been fed and let out. Yet I still am struggling to figure out how to describe this weekends events as I did about five hours ago when I was sitting here with my Jack and water after all had left the house and the kids and I sat for and hour or two and were deafened by the post celebration silence.

The week itself has been one hell of a roller coaster ride with relatives, old and new friends coming in town, putting the final touches on, starting a new job, and oh yea trying to find time for myself (lol). All said and done there is only one thing that I, as you, would want to be changed...the reason.

I tried to start a post yesterday morning after putting things together to go to the library but didn't get a chance to finish as my helpers started to show up early so I guess the best way to start today is where I was going to start yesterday. (did that make sense, cobwebs will clear shortly lol)

I came home Friday afternoon from a short day at work, I spoke to my mom, and told her that I was going to take a nap and would call when I woke up. Ehhh about an hour and a half later I was awoken by my little protector Jubilee going off with her defense barowl (bark growl). Groggy but at least in my boxers and a t-shirt, eyes half shut I followed her to the den where someone was breaking in........................Dad and James. After we laughed (sort of, I can be very grumpy if I get woke up when not ready) about what part of "I will call you when I get up" nobody understood, we went out to the Florida room and talked about that night and anything left to be done for tomorrow (just us guys so still in boxers and t-shirt). Then another familiar voice was heard, (Willard, Heathers dad) as I saw him start to open the doors to join us. Before I could finish, "I hope you're alone I am just in my underwear", out walks Heathers second mom Sharon and sister Jennifer. Well hell lets just have a party now. I am ever so grateful that this didn't happen while sitting on the toilet, the bathroom is only so big and can only fit so many. I felt like I was Jack Klugman in an old episode of the Odd Couple. Well I did manage to save some dignity and did go and get my robe on after a bit lol. (surprised the woman didn't get sick as I tromped up the stairs in y shorts.)

When I came back down, I tried to be as polite as possible and let them know I just needed a little "self" time to get some of Heather's things together to take and to go to dinner and hang out without me tonight, also James and I decided to see a late showing of Terminator that evening as a mind break. Probably the toughest thing that I did all week was to go back into Heather's suitcase that I had put her items that I was going to keep, to get what I needed for Saturday. Just another one of those damn moments that makes you choke up.

As I was getting ready to go to the hotel, Bob and Yvonne stopped by to drop off a couple of tables for me to use at the house we chatted for a bit, Yvonne was going to be my "second" in the event that I started to break when I spoke about Heather and she would continue for me. Then I left for the hotel.

As I neared the hotel the sky was just amazing, at least to me, there were dark navy/midnight blue storm clouds scalloping the horizon, extremely bright remnants of the sunset crescent above and canopying that a light blue/battleship gray formation. I was awe struck as I looked toward that sky as fingers of lightning from the coming storm streaked through for effect. You think what you may, but I have my own thoughts on what I saw that evening.

I picked James up we went up enjoyed the movie, Heather would have too considering "Bill the vampire" from True Blood played "Marcus the terminator" (she did like the Aussie/Brit type). On the way back to the hotel to drop James off the skies open, crackled, and sparkled with a decent thunderstorm that I was glad to see hoping it would take some of the humidity out of the air for those not used to it (Kim). I dropped James off and went home.

The night before I do a big function I can never sleep, call it my version of pre-game jitters. Heather never understood this, but there is so damn much that runs through your mind the night before, mental checklist, contingency plans etc.. Well tonight was the DIA awards dinner multiplied by 1000. Somehow I did manage to fall asleep around 2:30. Got up at 6:00 and started to get ready. First dad and James helped with icing down and moving the sodas, along with last minute pick ups. Check and done back to the hotel. Next Bob and Yvonne with bar stools and ashtrays, load soda's and Heather's stuff check and done time now 11:58 and counting. Third, Mary brought over another table, she had her daughters with her who brought me drawings to make me smile, and they did. Thank you very very much girls it meant a lot to me. Check and done 12:10 and counting. Mary had left with her girls, and Bob, Yvonne, and I sat in the Florida room and talked until time to leave.

12:25 time to fire up and go, a quick stop at the gas station and then the library. When we arrived the group that had the room before us either cancelled or just didn't show and we were able get started setting the room up as soon as we got there. Leigh Perry, who Heather and met through the Virginia Romance Writers was already there and had done so much work already prior to Saturday to get the room ready. Even though she and I have had minimal contact she has done more that I can thank her for. OK boss time I pointed and directed, they did and asked what needed to be done next (I hope I wasn't too much of a directing ass but that is just how I am when it comes to set up). Room set and ready 1:40, check and done. Changed into fresh clothes, a t-shirt from one of B&Y's parties and shorts. With Leigh's huge help, Bob, Yvonne, Will, Doug, Sharon, and Jennifer the room looked great.

People started to show up a little before 2:00 which was great. People brought books to donate which was even better. And no one was in a tie which was fantastic! (I had James buy a cheap clip on so if I saw anyone in a tie he would put it on and I would call him to the front, cut it, and ask "who's next")

As people rolled in I saw familiar faces, family, and those who I have heard of from Heather, and those of you from the blog that have contacted me and I would get to meet later. And then there were two people very instrumental in mine and Heather's lives that showed. I started to play the Heather's play list that she had on her Ipod until I was comfortable in starting. I must admit though that the little bottle of Jose' at the registration table was full until I changed my clothes, I better admit it now considering Yvonne has blackmail pics............................you wench. Pre-game over done check.

At 2:30 I turned the music off introduced myself, and laid out the format of the celebration. Very, very simple, as I have posted before this was a celebration sure there were going to be tears but my hope was more laughs and smiles and a greater insight into the wonderful person that was my wife. I was going to speak, read a gut wrenching e-mail that I received after Heather had past from someone who then and continues to find strength from Heather and how now she tends to be a smart ass and with her last e-mail to me (also read) addressed me as "knucklehead". I love you Jeannie, your hubby and kids are in my thoughts and yes you were there yesterday while still in California. Next I would start the play list that I made for Heather's celebration, a few songs that she requested (we all know that means demanded lol) and others that I felt were befitting of her. the it would be open forum for any and all to speak of how or what they knew of Heather good or bad. Celebration starting on time check done.

As I mentioned earlier Yvonne was to be my second in the event I started to break. As I spoke about Heather, my voice started to crackle. When it came time to introduce the two special people to us I began to shake. Next I knew, standing next to me, arm around my shoulder rubbing my back was a friend of Heather's mom by the name of Becca, that I had only met once nine years ago at Barbara's @#th birthday party (diplomatic enough Mama Wawa?), thank you Becca more than you know. That helped immensely as I called out Sandra Morton, the councilor that Heather and I went to and probably made the last year and a half that had our best (BTW Sandra looking good with the new do and the slim, and women don't think guys notice those thing HA lol). And the other special person to Heather and I in attendance, Dr. Tom Hainey, that's right Saint Francis in a smock, our vet. Who prior to Heather passing helped both us through what at that time was the toughest thing that I had ever had to deal with. The putting down of our first dog Spike The Crimungen lol. Thinking back on it maybe that is why I took Jubilee to get her nails cut the day after. After I finished speaking of Heather, Becca went back to Barbara's side. As I got ready to read the e-mails, I felt a weakness and called Yvonne to be by my side. With that little extra strength from Yvonne being there, I was able to get through the first e-mail surprising myself. And when it came to reading the second, well let's face it, when it starts off "Hey Knucklehead" how hard could it be to read? I then warned people of the music that was going to play, also that I had inserted Heather's voice mail greeting as part of the play list. Intro finished warning gave check done.

To give a little back story, Heather had a blond wig and cape that she wore for Halloween every year, I had them both with her pink leopard fuzzy slippers on the podium with me. As I warned people that the first two songs were going to be knife twisting in the gut hard to hear I had Yvonne help me put on the blond wig to lighten the room. As I returned to the podium and the first song started (Angel by Sara Mc Claclan? will find how to spell it later oops)I put Heather's pink slippers on my hands and flapped them as wings how appropriate. As expected a lot of tears, I asked those who wanted to to hold hands as the next song started (Don't forget me when I'm gone by Glass Tiger) then the final twist of the knife, Heather's voice mail greeting. I expected strong emotion when it would play but one thing that I did not expect were the chuckles that came when Heather said she would return your call sometime today. Then the music lightened ending with Joey Ramone's version of What a Wonderful World. Meditative music played, done check.

Next was open forum, Barbara started things off with a chronology of Heather's life amazing what all Heather had done in her life starting at such an early age. More tears and chuckles, Yvonne spoke of Heather and their friendship and shopping (sure that there is more lady fess up! lol). Next was Willard, if Frank Sinatra is known as Ol Blue Eyes, Willard is now know as Ol Squeeky Voice. Fighting back the tears he spoke off the cuff as he talked about Heather. When he finished the room went silent, I called out Heather's old friend Tammy from LA to come up and speak. So much I knew bits of to hear the missing pieces lol. (I'm sure that there is more).

There is nothing like the tone of someone speaking of someone close that they have lost, but when it comes to a parent speaking on the loss of their child it is almost unbearable. The courage it must have taken for both Willard and Barbara to stand in front of 49 people to do so is beyond me.

As Tammy finished the food arrived. It didn't seem as if anyone else were able to come up so it was a good time to dispense with the open forum and let people get to know each other. Open forum finished done check.

Thank you Frank and Giuseppe, your food was absolutely fantastic. Your eggplant parm was out of this world as usual. And that is the reason why Heather wanted her celebration catered. Like at a good party people began to eat and then the began talking to each other. As I walked around I saw nothing but smiles and laughs. More than what I could have hoped for. I also noticed for the first time how many books had been donated, and it appeared to be closed to 5 full bankers boxes that would be donated to the library in Heather's name, also a few came up to me and told me that they had donated to the Richmond SPCA. Again, even though requested, more than I could expect. the time flew by and next it was time to get the heck out of Dodge. the clean up began and everyone pitched in and we were out by 5:30. Thanks again hugely to Leigh Perry.
Success at the library, a good meeting of friends new and old, we spoke of Heather, Donation were made, and most importantly we celebrated and did not mourn! Check one.

For those who could, came to the house. Some of you got to meet and play with the kids and looked like you enjoyed it too for the most part lol. Wine was opened, beers were cracked, and drinks were made as we continued the gathering just as I had hope. We ate talked laughed and teared but we were together, there was an emotional strength in the number that had gathered this night in celebration. Then we got decadent.................... I had ordered Tiramisu from Frank's that was waiting for pick up. Yvonne and Sharon volunteered to pick it and bring it back when they returned I pour Kahlua as the Tiramisu was cut and we enjoyed Heather's favorite dessert as a group. I did steal away a couple times as I went outside and talked to Heather I told her how much I missed her and wished that she was here to enjoy her party. I told her how much I loved her and how no one could forget her, yes I did have my private moments. Bob came out once and joined me and we talked about Heather and had a smoke and Yvonne joined us.

One thing that I was not aware of is that in California they do not have Lightning bugs, and how for a few it was there first experience in seeing them. It was amazing to seen grown people with the glee and excitement of little children as they went into the back yard and caught the little glowing fairies to bring them into the Florida room and release them making the atmosphere almost magical. Again I needed to go outside and share with Heather.

As I finished I looked to the Florida room, and lying open the floor at the door, was little Jubilee watching over her dad and I honestly believe knew what I was doing and was just there for me.

The night grew late and the party started to slow. People had traveling to do tomorrow, it was a very strained day for us all, but it was a good day. People were in good spirits as they left even though the thought of what brought us together this night was still on there mind. I hope to keep in touch with all of those who came and host any who wish to come back and visit.

As the last person left, the pooches and I were left with that deafening silence that I mentioned in the beginning of this post. We sat before I realized that someone (I think I know who and thank you) had started to clean up. I gathered a little trashed and then brought my drink upstairs and attempted to post but couldn't. the day had worn me out.

Again the it was a good, no damn it, it was a great day. 98% perfect, the only thing that would have made it 100% a change in the reason that brought us together.

A successful celebration, and not a mourning. Check done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For those of you who I have annoyed with the "check done", don't blame me, blame Heather. My damn wife has me making lists now. CHECK DONE!

thank you who came, and the support of those who couldn't

I love you all and stay in touch.


Scott, pooches, bunny, toad, and lightning bugs

Thursday, June 25, 2009

The count down begins

Its 2:07 pm thursday 6-25-9, and the count down begins. Heather's father flew into town on Monday night and has been staying with me. Either because I have stranted him without a car while I am at work, or because (the real reason) he cares, he has been wonderful getting the house ready for this weekend. Even going so far as to prime and paint the floor in the Florida room. My parents arrived yesterday afternoon, and Heather's mom and UE shortly after. the reality is slowly starting to set in that Saturday is the day. Damn it seemed so far away when everything happened now it will be here in a blink of an eye.

I went back to the cancer center this morning to invite both staffs of the cancer center and the woman's clinic to Heather's celebration. And yes I gave them the same warning that I have given all of you about your dress. While I was walking fro the cancer center to the clinic I noticed a woman talking to a couple. Just one of those things that catch your eye. When I walked back to the cancer center, I noticed that she was standing in front of the pharmacy and from seeing my own face I could tell she was fighting back tears. i asked her if she was OK, she nodded as she fought to get out "yes".

Something just prompted me as I stood in the middle of the elevator keeping the doors from closing to speak out. "The people are great here, they are going to take care of who ever is coming her. While my wife was coming here she couldn't say enough about the staff. You'll be in great hands". I still don't know why I told here that, probably because she needed someone to tell her its going to be ok. A very weak smile came over her face, nodded and said thank you.

Well the clock is running and there are people downstairs who think I am in the shower so I should run for now.

Stay Strong BALD POWER


Scott pooches, bunny and toad

Monday, June 22, 2009

yea thats me

Don't ask why it took so long but yes I followed it too. Got to go Scott's airport shuttle needs to make a run.



Again Grats to Heath!!



Scott, the pooches, the bunny, and toad

Stay strong!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Happy Father's Day.........Anticipation (less than a week to go) .............Getting Gussied Up

A very good and sunny afternoon here in Richmond Virgina to everyone, especially the fathers out there.

Happy Father's Day to you! I bought myself a Father's Day present yesterday, an American flag for the front door to replace the one that the weather had worn down over the years. I put it out today while working in the yard, and as I put it in the bracket, the breeze picked up making the flag stand straight. there is nothing like seeing Old Glory sticking her chest out in the breeze, sort of gets you in the throat and heart.

It is a very good fathers day here as well, better than expected actually. Gambit was the first to wake me around 4 this morning to let him out so there wasn't an early present for me later lol. We went back to bed until they decided it was time for breakfast around 5:15 (the pooches have adapted to the old early routine a lot faster than their dad is btw). After the last kibble had been eaten they looked at me as I looked down at them and just shook my head with I think a smile and said "back to bed". Gam, Jube, and Rogue raced up the stairs and were standing by the bed with tails wagging. Once I climbed back in Jube and Gam were quick into action. They leaped into the bed, flanking me on both sides and the barrage of kisses began. I knew that resistance was futile, (hope the Borg don't show up next) and just gave in lying there smiling being appreciative. Petting them both until they settled down the snuggled in tight against me each with their head resting on an upper arm, Gambit on my right and Jubilee on my left. I wrapped my arms around them and went back to sleep. We finally woke up around 8:15. I did go and rub Heather after I finally woke, smiled thanked her for allowing us/me to have such wonderful kids and wished she was here........................TO MAKE ME PANCAKES!

I have come to the realization that there will always be times that will just kick me in the groin, take my breath away and make me extremely emotional. Those I cannot stop, and have a feeling that I will need from time to time. But I have also decided that instead of being depressed over such issues as today and Heather not tangibly being here, I will instead thank her for the time that we shared and reflect on those instead. That's easy for me to say now, I hope I feel the same closer to the big holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Well it is less than a week until Heather's celebration. I am still very mixed on it though. I know that it needs to happen and yet there is still part of me in denial that if it doesn't, somehow history will change and so the circumstance. I am very very much looking forward to meeting those of you who knew Heather prior to us meeting and hearing your stories about her (especially since she can't tell you to be quiet, you didn't think of that did you wifey lol). Again I cannot emphasis this strongly enough; THIS IS A CELEBRATION, NOT A MEMORIAL! We are here to celebrate Heather, her accomplishments, faults, friendship, and love. And yes I did say faults, they also makes us who we are and though they could make us swear when they happened many of them will make us laugh now and wonder if they truly were faults. Yes I understand that it will be very emotional and yes there will be tears, but we are not there to mourn but to celebrate and wish her a very happy Bon Voyage as we officially send her onto her new voyage. This is a casual affair, I will either be in shorts or jeans (hint, no mention of suit and tie-take the hint) and am entering this next brief paragraph as a warning.

WARNING: THE WEARING OF TRADITIONAL FUNERAL GARB WILL BE TAKEN AS AN AFFRONT TO THE HOST AND CELEBRANT. WEARING SUCH GARB WILL BE MET WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE. I WILL HAVE SCISSORS TO CUT TIES AND MAKE ALTERATIONS TO DRESSES! SO UNLESS YOU ARE WARD CLEAVER OR DARREN STEVENS YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

There, now that the warning has been given, please remember that this is a casual and relaxed event. The reason why we are gathering, is more than enough stress and tension, I want everyone to be comfortable. If we ever meet again to go to the opera I will have my tux on and we can collectively try and loosen our collars and read the subtitles(lol).

There has been mention by one of Heather's friend of starting a book donation drive for the library in her honor. Anyone that is coming next Saturday cares to bring in a book to donate there will be boxes to drop them in.

If you noticed I have only mentioned the "the library", but for those who are coming it is the Bon Air branch of the Chesterfield Library 9103 Rattle Snake Road. Again as mentioned in an earlier post, please no flowers per Heather's request, make a donation instead to an animal rescue, cancer research, or woman's shelter. Two of Heather's animal charities that she donated to was the ASPCA (with full police powers, oh how she loved to here that in the opening credits of Animal Precinct) or the Richmond SPCA (where we adopted Rogue and Neutron). If you care to make a donation at the service please do so by check and to the RSPCA, those I can drive to the shelter.

Now as far as getting all gussied up, and just who is this person Gussy that I presume the phrase came from, I took all three pooches to the vet yesterday to have their nails trimmed so anyone meeting them would not be raked by the claws of Cerberus. I also had my ears lowered, another expression I would like to know how it got started, and am happy to report that my bald spot has grown back in and back to its natural color.

For those of you who did not know, that while Heather was going through chemo and lost her hair, it was brought to my attention by Leah who cuts my hair that I had little smaller than a half dollar size patch on the back of my head where the hair had fallen out. (stressed induced alopecia, or possibly second hand chemo effects from fluids). I went home that day and told Heather that I was suffering from sympathy baldness. We both laughed at that. When I got my hair cut after Heather had passed, Leah told me that the patch was almost completely grown back but snow white (to be expected), and then yesterday it had filled in and back to regular color. Guess the boss wants me to look my best for her big day.


One last thing before I log today. I would like to send my congratulations to Heather's nephew Heath. Heath has visited us twice, and was here for last Thanksgiving after Heather had her original surgery. Heath will not be able to join us next weekend because tomorrow, I am very proud and Heather is, to say that in the morning Heath receives his commission in the United States Army, and later that afternoon graduates from the Merchant Marine Academy. SALUTE!



Have a great and wonderful father's day


BALD POWER FOREVER!

Scott the pooches, rabbit and toad