Sunday, May 31, 2009

Jubie's summer guests.............paid assasins..............still helping me get dressed

Ok really quick and in order (running late for work today)

Jubie has summer "guests", that come and visit. Now if they are the same year in and year out I do not know. One is a little toad, not surprised to see it out and about as much rain as we have had. Jubiee after 4 years doesn't know what to make of it except to go over and sniff. Her other guest "Alvin" drives her crazy at times. It is a chipmunk that spends time in many areas just out of reach of JuJu. The downspout from the gutters, stacked Blueridge Slate on the side of the house and loves to run back and forth from the slate to the vacant lot (which is a slave/servant cemetery from what we were told) on the "safe side" of the fence I think just to get her worked up. I believe that this is Alvin's third year if not more.

"Paid Assassins"...........After we first moved into the house when working in the back yard I almost got conked on the head by a dropped hickory nut from a squirrel. I accused Heather of trying to kill me and paying the squirrels to do it so she would have an alibi. Well, I guess the contract is still out, while cutting the backyard last week the same thing happened again. I'm going to get you wifey and make you pay.

"Helping me get Dressed" ...................there are a few unresolved issues that need to be addressed in person, one was last week and required a suit. Now I will say that I do look pretty damn good in a suit (cough cough), but just not comfortable in them (another reason for every one to be casual at the celebration). But there I was dressed and needing to decide which shoes to wear, (AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH wifey what the hell did you do to me, I am deciding on shoes!?!?!?!?!?!?!) it was between black cap toes or black wing tips. I decided on the cap toes, evidently this didn't meet with her royal fashonista's approval. As I went to pull up and tighten on the strings of the the first that I put on, both strings snapped off in my fingers. Well OK then I guess it will be the wing tips lol. Thanks wifey probably did look better.

That's all on this fabulous sunny Sunday afternoon in Richmond Va, its off to work for me now.

Have a great week, and less we forget

BALD POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Licks and Wags and the little things

Morning all, the latest Gambit update. Gambi saw Dr. Tom today and had his staples and stitches removed. He is very impressed with his recovery considering the extent of his surgery. He is back to pesky puppy mode and trying to steal your food off of the table. He is also a big flirt, trying to cozzie up to young lady as we were leaving and a gain as we were getting in the car. Think he is feeling better? That's my Gambi!

Again I would like to extend my thanks to all of you who have shown and given your support, some say that I am brave, or cant understand how I am progressing with the items that I have done so far. It is because of you that I can, mainly by just letting me voice my thoughts here. I really appreciate getting together with some of you especially over this past weekend. Though a little awkward, much needed. Thank you for the outings, hugs, and conversations was a great time. I actually learned how to play dominoes (lol). (btw Y who do I owe $5.00 from the 600?)

Yea Helio, another trophy to put next to your DWTS mirror ball.

And yes the little things, insignificant in the past but with so much meaning now........
Chocky Milk
Songs on the radio we played Guitar Hero to
Coming across a beat up recipe that will never taste the same if i make it
Cooking a pot of pasta

Vanity plate is a thing of the past................
Heather had a vanity plate that was cute and quirky. She came up with it because of her love of supernatural romance novels especially dealing with vampires. She was diagnosed shortly after putting the plates on her car, and died basically of what the plate was defined by. I have a nurse and her husband that are regulars where I work and she stopped once before and asked about the plate but I didn't have time to talk. She stopped me again last week and asked what was with the plate, I told her the whole story. I didn't mean to but I think I might have ruined her dinner, she was very understanding when I told her I was going to return the plates for another set. just something about seeing that on the car every time that I went to it. The plates are gone, one is with the state and the other is with Heather's belongings that I am keeping. I know that there is at least one out there that is probably as glad as I am to be done with the plates.

Thanks again for letting me rant

Scott and the pooches

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Summer Starts Today!

OK so i am a little early but what the heck. Here I sit all sweaty from cutting the grass trying to beat the rain waiting for summer to start in approximately an hour or so. OK you ask yourself what the heck is this loon talking about doesn't he know that its almost a month away? Well yea sure the "official" start of summer is but not for me. This is something that "Da Wife" was always very patient, and understanding about "Da Husband".

Some of you know and others don't that I grew up in Indiana. This is Memorial Day Sunday, also the day of the "Greatest Spectacle in Auto Racing" the Indianapolis 500. As a kid "this" was auto racing, no Formula One, NASCAR, or other, there was only the 500.

Part of the ceremonies of the race are the parade, the drinking of the milk by the winner (go Helio), the fly over, and "Back Home Again In Indiana" sung by Jim Neighbors. For me, to this day, once Pvt. Pile bellows out the lyrics, my heart quickens, I get a smile, and I know that summer is here.

Call it quirky or whatever, but no matter what the conditions sun, rain, 10 inches of snow, on Memorial Day Sunday, once Jim Neighbors takes the stage and I hear "Back Home Again in Indiana" summer has begun. lets make it a great one filled with fun friends and family!


Very rarely do I ever get on a soap box but today is one of those days. Please remember the true meaning of today. No matter what your beliefs or politics there is on true fact; the freedoms that we have today to either praise or bitch, were gained and maintained by the men, women, and children (revolutionary, 1812, civil, etc) who answered a call willingly or not to serve this country we live in. Many have made the ultimate sacrifice, others physical that can be seen, and most emotional that cannot. But they have all sacrificed for us. They need to be Respected, Remembered, and Honored in my opinion. So while we have fun this holiday weekend, tip your beer, soda, water or just take a moment and say Thank You!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

DWTS.............and oh yea GAMBIT IS A BUTTHEAD!!!!!!!

First of all who was surprised last night? I sure as hell was, I could hear a distant voice shouting "Oh hell no!" when Shawn won. Gilles was robbed in "our" opinion. "Smoking Croaking and Flaming" there is a quote that should go down in the TV history book. Think Bruno was a little upset? I do. Nuff of that now to the good part.

After all the doom and gloom that I have been posting i needed to have a good day and that was today. Work went well, Lowe's called and said my mower was ready for pick up (sure Dave and Mary are glad to hear that lol), it was sunny and cool, just a good day.........................Then I got home.

It seems that there hasn't been a crate, that can hold our kids. (Or house or apartment for that matter when it came to Spike but I will tell you about him at the end.) Jubilee, when she was a pup climbed out of hers on occasion and would be waiting at the door to greet us when we got home from work. And in that spirit, when I got home tonight there were 3 loud voices on the other side of the door waiting for me to open it. Naturally, I just thought that Gambit was being extra loud and excited upstairs in the kitchen. I opened the door and................

That's right there were three dogs waiting for me, not the two that I was expecting. Rogue, Jubilee, and that darn Gambit. Stunned, I said Gambit what the hell are you doing here? And like on a normal day before I could close the door all three were tearing up the stairs to be let out. Now gambit is a great B&E artists, he has no problems popping open the French doors to get into the living room when he really wants to and for some reason I thought that I would find that he found a way to bump the door of the crate so that the latches would open. No big deal right? Oooooooohhhhhhhh Noooooooooooooooo!

When I walked into the kitchen I looked over at the crate and stopped speechless in my tracks. There was the crate, the black plastic floor pulled out and turned sideways. Then I noticed it. Gambit had not opened the door, but had pushed the entire front of the crate down. "The Marines Have Landed" was the first thing that came to mind. It looked like the dropped front end of a military landing craft. (No more letting Gambit sit on the couch with me when I watch about General Patton on the history channel that's for sure!) Taking a closer look, I saw where Gambino had pushed his snout through the bars of the door spreading them like the shark did in Jaws going after Richard Dreyfus before he pushed the damn thing down. So much for wondering if Gambit would get back to normal. Welcome back Big Buddy you butthead!

Like I said I needed a good day and I could think of any other way to have today, I am still smiling about General "Push It Down" Gambit assaulting the kitchen.

Now back to Spike. Spike was our first dog who played us for suckers. Here was this little brown and black dog (Chihuahua, Dachshund, Terrier mix) shivering in a crate at an adoption fair. I blame it on the apartment rules for where we living, Heather said it was destined, but in more than one way Spike fit the bill for what we needed and could have at the time. But there was one thing that we found out later, he was a damn escape artist. He would wait behind the door as you opened it then dart through your legs and gone when he wanted too. And for those of you who knew Spike you can attest to just how much of a brat he was. He would run, have you chase him, allow you to get close, look over his shoulder watch as you reached for him and POOF he was gone! The two most memorable times that little brat (being family friendly again) escaped were;

1. When we lived in the apartment, escaping having me chase him until he crossed 8 lanes of traffic, prancing being cocky the whole way, during rush hour in the rain. How he never became the main ingredient for Granny Clampett's road kill stew I still don't understand.

2. After moving to the house, and before dad and I built the fence, my dad and I were going to the Indy car race here in Richmond. When we opened the door Popeye pup was gone in a flash. Needless to say this put a cramp in mine and dad's plans, while Heather was using so not so family friendly language about how we let him escape lol. Dad and I got in the car and started driving the neighborhood looking for him and couldn't find him. But Spike had a weakness, McDonald's french fries. Fortunately there is a Mickey D's up at the corner, dad and I went there and got an order and returned to the search. A half hour later, and a half a block away there he was, tongue hanging out tail wagging smiling prancing the king of the world. I stopped the car and whats next is funny sad and pathetic. I opened the door shook the bag of fries, Spike stopped dead in his tracks stared at us, and ran straight to us and jumped in the car and starting bossing us until we gave him the fries. WHAT A BRAT! His nick name that Heather gave him was Little Brown Guy. He still makes me laugh.

I know that the reason that I was so depressed and anxious when it came to Gambit's surgery last week was when it came time to say goodbye to Spike we needed to say goodbye to our cat Spalding about 6 weeks later. I was fearful that that pattern was readying to repeat.

But not today, for today is a good day!

Have a safe and happy holiday, and to any of you who are in the service or have family now or previously in the service THANK YOU!

Monday, May 18, 2009

outside forces

First for all of you who have been sending Gambit your support, an update. Gambit has had his drain tubes removed tonight, and while Dr. Tom was removing them Gambit kept giving him kisses. Guess he really wanted them out lol, but for those of you who know him you know that it is just Gambits nature, a big lovable lug that likes to give kisses. So far no surprises, the pathology came back the same as last time, the same REMOVABLE sarcoma, just need to get him in quicker next time. He will have his staples removed next week then we just need to wait for his hair to grow back from getting shaved. Go Go Gadget Gambi!!! (a Heatherism)

Now back to the title, that's right at times it is the outside forces that kick us straight in the ass and dictates when we need to make our next move.

That force happened last Friday. For reason beyond my control it was just time to move forward. ("I told you to clear off the landing and the spare room didn't I? It wouldn't hurt if you ran a broom or picked up your socks either wiener dog!") Yes wife I know you told me over and over............ (Damn I really miss that). But needless to say there is work to be done.

First the Florida room, all tools from working on the projects taken out to the shop and a good sweep, and sweep, sweep. Damn between the dog hair, dust, dead yellow jackets, and pollen all I can say is holy crap. But it is ready to be scraped and scrubbed, then primed and painted (Willard). That was easy.

Next the spare room, this is a completely different story. The spare room was going to be Heather's craft room to sew, bead, knit, and practice to be a voice over artist. (for those who knew Heather yes she was getting into all that domestic stuff she used to scoff at so don't fall over lol.) All but the craft books had been taken downstairs and put on the shelves, the room was still pretty much a staging area though with games and game consoles to be sold, bags, etc.. Some items to keep and others that needed to go. After getting most of the junk, and a broken light bulb up (I should have had shoes on Mary I think I have a piece of glass in my heel), I started to organize the room. Opening the closet to see Heather's summer clothes-rough, her pink leopard fuzzy slippers-rough, her jewelry, both made and given-rough, her two baby albums from infant to about 7 years old------rougher, and finally our wedding album---damn near disastrous. I had to stop take a few breaths look through it and move on. I was flooded with a rush of mixed emotions but felt Heather kick me in the ass saying, "stop dawdling, and get back to work!" When the room was ready I gave Mary (both her and David are pictured next to neighbor in "the big dic" per Heather or to the rest of us the dictionary) call and she helped me go through Heather's crafting stuff so that I could finish organizing the room. We talked a bit, laughed, cried, cussed and finally just shook our heads.

Next the was probably the toughest of the tasks to date. I have tried to keep the office in some what good order, but in the corner the job I have purposely put off. Her suitcase. Heather's suitcase has sat in the same spot since I brought it home that damn night. Something that I have not looked forward to going through and wished that I could just put in a time capsule and not have to deal with. But reality is a harsh mistress and slapped me straight across my face, and slowly went to tackle the task. Almost as if a ghost had appeared, as soon as I opened the suitcase all three dogs ran up the stairs expecting their noses to be leading them disappointment and depression. It showed and to anyone that says "dumb animals" can just go screw themselves (family friendly version), they feel, love, and long for their lost mother, even more so because of their acute senses that picks up anything when you open a closet, or a suitcase. They lay on the floor as I went through her items. Some I couldn't find a trash bag fast enough to put in others I was mixed, and finally the items that set aside to keep that she wore, her scent still faint on them, and finally an item that what to do with just had me dumbfounded. It was Heather's medical DNR form. What the hell am I suppose to do with this damn thing?

This damn innocent yellow piece of paper with, "STOP DO NOT RESUSCITATE" stamped in red at the top of it. This damn form that kept a room of medical professionals standing on the sidelines as Heather's mother and I held her as she faded and past away. This damn wonderful piece of paper that did more to put an end to Heather's pain and bring her to peace than anyone with knowledge or love could ever do. This damn piece of paper that was the last thing that Heather would ever sign. Again I asked, what the hell am I suppose to do with this damn thing? I still don't have an answer as this damn piece of paper sits on the desk staring at me.

And finally on this round Heather's closets. Yes, as much as people have offered to help me go through her things, there was something that struck me that it was time and I needed to do it privately. I started with Heather's summer things in the closet in the spare room. There were three areas...............donation, consignment, and keep. As I started, my chest tightened, eyes watered, memories flashed, but the act of separating wasn't difficult. Almost as I was led to the item and which area that it went to. Next was a bit, no, much harder. The closet in the bedroom. Not only was there the closet but also two of Heather's jackets that she had worn to work were still hanging on the back of the bedroom door. The dogs followed me as I went into the bedroom and watched as with tears in my eyes I slowly went item by item from her closet. First there was the hats and wigs that I plan on taking to the cancer center tomorrow that I hadn't yet. I think that I am ready to go back there now. Next was the drawers, this as relatively painless. Stockings, panties, bras, socks, the stuff that more or less didn't fall into any of the three categories and went into the dispose of pile. Next the hanging items, this was a lot rougher needless to say, as the dogs laid with their heads on their paws looking up at me, I went through each item and separated them. Then came time to bag the donated items and take the items down to be sold downstairs to my closet. Again it was as if being led what went where. With that, I decided to call it a night.

Again sometimes there are outside forces that dictate when we take our next step.

Speaking of next steps.....................IT'S THE FINALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who's going to win?????? Heather (even though she was in love with Tony) and I would both agree that Gilles should win (and yes I have had the hots for Cheryl and Edyta, and Heather would never let me live it done).
Guess we will find out tomorrow. Then "So You Think You Dance" starts next week!!!!!!!!!
(Damn you wife what the hell have you done to me!!!!!!!!) Well at least no more Project Runway, or Top Design. (Heidi is WAY over rated if you ask me anyway).

Still haven't heard anything from "What Not to Wear", but I truly thank all of you who forwarded her application to the show and maybe sometime in the future.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

The First Month

One month ago today (4-14-9) at this time, I was on the 8th floor room 458 at MCV. I was sitting with Heather's mother, and my father and mother as we talked about Heather as she lay in her bed appearing to be peacefully asleep, it was just a little over 5 hours since she passed. The conversation...........when to tell the staff that we were ready to let Heather go and continue her journey. One month ago today.

Its been one hell of a run since then. Filled with tears and laughter, love, support, guilt, anger, hell might as well throw in the kitchen sink while your at it. But the one constant was that Heather had physically left us. Reminders of her surround us-me, her presence is constantly felt and yes her guiding hand is felt and taken firmly. I have heard from so many that I didn't know from Heather's past and from those who neither one of us knew but have anonymously followed her blog and found strength, comfort and inspiration in her words, hell who wouldn't.

I have had good days and bad, moments of laughter and then total meltdowns (mothers day). Administrative responsibilities seem to be unending, I know I am getting assistance I couldn't have done half of what I did so far without it. Heather has played pranks on me while also scaring the hell out of me. Starting yesterday, Gambit had his surgery. The call that I was looking forward to and dreading, which I was leaning more towards I don't know, came about 2:30 pm. Dr. Tom was on the other ........................and Gambit was fine. He came through surgery well and was drugged up but doing great, but Dr. Tom wanted him to stay over night due to the amount of drainage tubes he had which was music to my ears. After work I went to Bon Air Animal Hospital and spent about a half hour with my big buddy while he was in his pin. His chest shaved and orange with the dye of the surgical scrub, and tubes coming out of his chest in the appearance of straws that a first grader would use in an art project gone awry. I left with a feeling of the weight of the world off of my shoulders. I slept well last night.

I think that she did both today. The day started off with finding out that my sister-in-law was involved in an accident up in DC after dropping my niece and nephew off at school. Minor damage and Sue was safe and well. Next I took my Monte Carlo to get detailed and then to Carmax for a quote (the reality of the situation hits in many facets, like the need for only one vehicle). I then came home and cleaned out Neutron's old crate for Gambit who will need to have his movement restricted while I am at work. I snuck a cheeseburger in my pocket and went to go get my big buddy. Still a little groggy, yet zeroed in on the cheeseburger in my pocket like a patriot missile lol. How I felt bringing him home is something that I can't put in words. My parents stopped by and are spending the night before heading back to Florida. Its sad seeing the big guy the way he is while on his road to recovery, but we know he should be fine. My father and I headed off to Carmax to seal the deal, dad was driving the Vibe (heathers car) to bring me home. After we left Carmax next to the DMV where we turned in my plates (good time to sell the car both the plates and inspection where due this month), then to the bank and deposit the check and then.............................................................BOOM !!!!!!!!!!

Dad and I were stopped with traffic as we heard tires squealing then we lurched forward. You guessed it, I got rear ended. Thankfully dad and I are just a sore and stiff at the moment and hardly if any visible damage to the Vibe other than a puncture to the bumper, we will see what shows when I get it checked out.

How appropriate to end the first month.....................with a bang.

Love you miss you wifey, thanks for watching over Gambit, dad and I.

Have a great night all

Scott and ALL the X-pooches

Monday, May 11, 2009


That's right its Monday night, another night of stars kicking high. It was interesting watching the beginning with the couples were reminiscing on their past performances, I took a look over at Heather's side of the couch and just smiled and chuckled. Can't wait for the results tomorrow after last week who the hell knows what is going to happen????

I woke up this morning after yesterday's melt down, which might have been long over due and sure to happen again, and came to an amazing realization that stunned me and put a smile on my face. With everything that I was feeling, there were two items that I wasn't feeling.

Unloved and abandoned never crossed my mind.

Nuff said..............have a good night

Sunday, May 10, 2009

The First Holiday

First I would like to wish a very happy Mother's day to all that it applies to out there. Appreciate the day, hold your mother tight against your heart, mothers hold your children even tighter no matter how far the distance may be and make today special somehow.

I wasn't going to post today, but I need a means of release and this is the best way for me today.

I fell victim to self pity yesterday........twice. First, I got my haircut. I told Leah that Heather had past before she could ask me how I was. (how do you tell someone the news? Do you let them say something then spring it on them and make them feel like crap or do you just blurt it out?) we talked a bit about her and then it hit me, Heather wouldn't be home to "inspect" the cut, and secondly I caught my self saying something that as soon as I did made me wished that my lips were super glued shut and that I had an idiot monitor in my head with a stun gun. For those who read my post about Gambit, you know that things aren't looking great for him, and probably I am being selfish and self protecting in having his surgery, but I have to try. This is something that I can have done where I wasn't able to do or have anything done for Heather. Right or wrong I can't stand on the sidelines with my big buddy if there is one last chance to help him. That being said, I took Jubie to the vet yesterday for her yearly exam. Heart worm test, rabies vaccination the usual. With the way life has been lately, Though I knew pretty much everything would come back negative, it still shocked me when it did. I talked to Dr. Gary for a bit after before we headed to Mickey D's to get an after vet treat to take home to the rest of the kids.

After getting home and things had settled down, I started to do laundry. (We have a baby gate across the door of the laundry room to keep the dogs out.) Jubie was at the gate looking in at me with those damn brown eyes and yes I fell victim to her ways and let her in (which hasn't happened since she was a pup and would squeeze under then whine to be let out when she could have pushed it open-go figure) Then I said it, the damnedest stupidest thing that I have ever said I think. I looked down at her and said "at least you re not trying to leave me". My ears were disconnected from my mouth as I heard what I uttered in shock, dismay, and just plane pissed of at what I had said. How the hell dare I make such a statement No one has or is trying to leave me by there choice and what type of an ass am I to think let alone say it. I stood there rubbed her head and cried. I then went up and sat on the couch and held Gambit's head and kissed him and told him to hold, we're getting that damn thing off of you in a few days. Heather wasn't a saint nor a demon just Heather and no matter how pissed I made her only loved me, and Gambit has only love for me and Heather and for me to think that either one of them were just out to leave me was just crap with a capital BS.

I told myself that I could keep myself rational and not fall victim to feeling self pity, I probably could have convinced myself that I could build a fire on an ice flow and not have it melt through too then. But I did, man did I and in a big big way. I just couldn't get it out of my head on my way into work last night.

Heather and I chose not to have children, when we got married I was 40 and she was 37. We thought about the possibility for a few years then decide not to. If we were to ever change our minds we would go through the adoption process. Well that didn't happen either and to be honest I am glad we did at the moment. But that doesn't mean we didn't celebrate mother's and father's day (damn she still owes me a freaking rotisserie that brat!!!!). We would get each other cards one would be "signed" by all the kids and one by us. We would get up, give the appropriate party their card, make a Starbucks run, and either hang out in bed with the kids or have our SB's looking at pet finders for available "kids" as a novelty.

The kids woke me up this morning doing the "pee pee/its breakfast time" dance, I was down stairs and had let them out before I remembered what today was. I just started to cry, I went over to her urn, rubbed it and told her how much I missed her and wished she was here and how it hasn't even been a month and yet seems like eternity. The dogs started to come in and I sucked it up not to upset them (you with "kids" know what I mean). I waited for a bit then called my mom. Choking back tears I wished her a happy mothers day. I am sure she knew that I was holding them back and by her voice I think she was too, but she never said anything.

After I went to Starbucks, even though I shouldn't, got my venti nonfat mocha with and extra shot, a scone and a slice of pumpkin bread (pumpkin bread was one of Heather's favorites). When I got home I sat on the couch sipped my drink ate my scone and gave the dogs the pumpkin bread and still celebrated with Heather. Later Heather's mom called, we talked for a bit, about Heather, the celebration and just missing her. I had to cut the call short, Leigh from the Virginia Romance Writers group came over to pick up all of the work that Heather had completed for the Holt Medalion contest (she was this years president-elect and contest coordinator). I sat on the couch again (I know Barbara, I didn't call you back but I will) and said screw it. First I got up and cut the grass in the back yard (thanks Dave and Mary, my mower should be out of the shop this week), then I took the doors off of the book case and set up an area in the Florida room to start painting them. As I started the second coat, I became consumed with a rush of anger. Damn it this is Heather's job, she designs it I build it and she finishes it and makes it look professional. I am not suppose to be doing this.

I had to step away and it seemed as if everything hit at once.

I am angry, I am pissed off, I feel violated, I feel cheated, something has been stolen from me with no chance of recovering. I am frustrated, confused, perplexed. I feel lost, stressed, longing, guilty, helpless. I can't think of an emotion I haven't felt today. I am a seething Tesla ball, I am the first atomic bomb prior to detonation. If I lived on a movie set it would be in shambles by now (only because I could destroy it and someone else would rebuild it lol). I am not a robot I am just damn human and today I hurt and hurt hard.

But as much as I rage, feeling sorry for myself, or hurt I am not alone.

I am not the one going to a mail box void of a 47 year post, I am not the one with every ring of the phone having quick feeling that (even knowing its not possible) it might be. I am not the one this year that is missing their child.

Though I am a husband missing a spouse I have no idea what thoughts are in the mind of mothers missing their child.

Why couldn't the first holiday have been Ground Hogs Day???

Friday, May 8, 2009

Say a Prayer For Gambit

As Heather had mentioned, Gambit had a sarcoma removed earlier this year. I believe in one of her last posts she mentioned that it was starting to grow back. Due to the circumstances we were unable to take care of it then, nor as I am embarassed to say have I had the time to address it of late. It has grown to the size that it was previouly, I took Gambit to see Dr. Tom today, and we will have it removed next week. As I told Dr. Tom, I am willing to give it another shot if he is. His reply was yes lets get it done but we also need to be realistic. Dr. Tom is a great guy, St. Francis in a smock lol. So send your prayers and thoughts for Gambit next week please.
I dont think I could close another pair of eyes yet.


Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Meet the Kids

here are the kids I found how to upload there pics (helps if you look at the toolbar goofball)
Top -------Rogue
next-------Jubilee (really camera shy isn't she)
Finally-----Gambit and Jubilee (she sure did grow up as cute as her baby picture didn't she?)
For those with out pups (you know who you are lol) feel free to use the pooches they love the attention lol.
Have a great day

Monday, May 4, 2009


That's right I said Monday. Back to work 12 hours of distractions before coming home. Sunday seemed to last tooooooooo long.

Sunday was another first, my first day off since going back to work, my first day home alone with no family in town, the first day in a house with out Heather. But we used the day positively.
When I took Rogue to the vet I spoke to him about Gambit and his obvious depression, his suggestion was to make alone time for us both so I did. We started the day off with a short walk (much to the voicerous disapproval of Rogue and Jubilee), maybe a half mile, but it was cut short due to rain. Still I think that it was very therapeutic for us both, Gambit tried to pull my shoulder out of socket as I tried to keep him close on the leash. When we got home I saw a bit of the spark that was missing from Gambit and it is continuing tonight! He's playing with Precious (his ball) and a lift in his step. Thanks again Dr. Tom!. Also last night I migrated to the center of the bed when I fell asleep, and woke mainly on Heather's side with my arm hanging over the side.

Like Heather said when her hair first started to thin,"Someone should right a book on what and when to expect s--t!" And I couldn't agree more. Right now it seems that there is at least one if not many firsts in a day damn it. What are you suppose to do or how are to suppose to react?

"Stop being such a damn drama queen husby, tell them about the movie!" Yeea Yea Yea.........
One of the things that Heather and I did on Sunday's was to watch recorded shows on the DVR or series that we had on DVD. One show that we really on disk was "Dead Like Me" a light comedy about grim reapers (yes and the show did work lol). We never looked at the "pay" movies on In Demand, but last night, (like a kid when the parents are out of town) I thought that I would, and to my, whatever, I found "Dead Like Me" a movie sequel to the series. Probably shouldn't have ordered the movie, but it seemed like the perfect way to end the day. Maybe that's why I woke up on her side of the bed this morning.

Now getting back to Monday. It's DWTS night that's right, and tomorrow night "Dance Center" returns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think that Heather would be very very happy with how the show has gone so far and would agree with the five on tonight (omg Ty just finished the Rumba yi yi yi!?!?!?!)
That being said, I agree that based on talent, Ty as much as I like him its his turn to go.

And the judges scores for Monday are.....................

Rogue....10! Jubilee.........10! Gambit..........10!! WOOF WOOF WOOF

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Puppy Love.

What a difference a little sleep, ranting, and a sunny day can make. Last night it was fairly difficult to slip under the changed sheets, but it may have been more of a major step than I thought. We woke up about 6:30, let the dogs out breakfast, almost becoming a normal routine again. After, it was time for me to get back to bed for a little more shut eye (wrong). To my surprise, all three dogs jumped into the bed with me for a little puppy love fest. It was much needed for all of us, playing and rough housing in the bed for the short time that we did. Hell of a way to raise ones spirits, chuckling fighting off three wet loving tongues (lol). That gave me motivation and a realization that either I can backslide into a slug, or kick myself in the pants and move forward. I would be a fool to think that the worst is over, hardly. And I am also resigned to the fact that there will be zingers that come from nowhere that will drive me down through the floor. But today, right now, it is a good day. So good that I actually went to the gym (surprised that I didn't see Heather's urn on the floor when I got home from the shock). Heather never gave up and neither will I, she always wanted the best for herself, us, and me. In other words, I'm not giving up either.

Have a great day and just appreciate it for what it is.

Scott and the X-Pooches (wish I could find a way that they could gross 90 million over a weekend like Wolverine lol)

What a Day

I was originally going title this post "some days just suck!" But today was a mixed day leaning toward the lower end of the scale. My work schedule requires both days and nights. Its been"easy" the past few days working days. I get up, let the pooches out, feed them, shower dress, let them out again then off to work I go. I have no time to mull over the past just on with the days business and come home, and by the time I do usually my feeble little mind is so over tasked that I don't have the energy too if I wanted. Today was different, to much dead time to think before going in, to quiet of a house to listen to, too many memories staring me in the face. Damn I hate firsts of this nature.

Heather and I would cut the dog nails with the exception of Jubiee, we would need to take her to the vet. One would hold and steady the dog as the other would do the trim. I know that I am big, but not big enough to trim Rogue's nails. When I called the vet they informed me that she was over do for her rabies vaccine so off to the vet it was.

When Rogue and I arrived, I was then informed (sheesh) that all of the dogs were due for their heartworm preventative (I am so tired of medicines, even the ones that work) just great! We went back to the exam room the tow techs came in and trimmed Rogue's nails and prepared her vaccine and said that Dr. Tom would be in next. (Heather and I often tried to figure out how to describe Dr. Tom, and I guess the best would be St. Francis with a smock, just real, honestly caring and concerned, a good guy) When he walked in his first concern was how I was doing we chatted, also informed him that of the three"kids" Gambit is the one having the hardest time adjusting, showing extreme depression from time to time. Those of you with animals know what I mean, they almost look as if you have beat them, and probably have emotionally. We talked about Heather, Gambits attachment to her, her celebration etc. After the exam and telling me that Rogue's heart murmur hasn't changed (much needed good news) he gave her the vaccine and we were ready to leave. At the desk checking out, two "saged" ladies came in to get a refill for one of their pets. Rogue perked like a puppy and seemed to look at me and ask if she could go to the ladies at the same time they were asking if they could pet her. To be honest, I don't think that it really mattered what I said, the three old girls were going to get together no matter what (lol). Rogue and her graying muzzle leaning up into the aged, marked, and knuckled hands that no artist could ever imitate to show a loving grandmotherly glowing touch. I also didn't know who the interaction had the greater effect on.

As I went watched the three old coots I turned to pay the bill as the one tech apologized for the way that she had spoke to me earlier on the phone (yea you guessed it) and asked if I wanted to make any (name) changes to the account. My eyes started to water and my voice crackled a bit as I told her no I'm not quite ready to do that yet. She nodded, faint grin and gave me her condolences. And away to home we went.

Damn still three hours before work. I continued doing what I am learning to hate, making the calls to inform, changing names on accounts like phone cable etc. As I left the office and went into the bedroom I looked at the bed and knew it was time for another step. Changing the sheets. It has been approximately two weeks-two days-eighteen hours and change since Heather left, an ed I have been sleeping on the same sheets that we last shared until today. I have yet to slide to the center of the bed let alone her side to sleep, and in a California King that's a hell of a lot of room. It had to be done sometime and today felt like the day. The pooches knew somehow what was happening, either feeding off of my emotion or they just "knew" what was happening. All three especially Gambit were depressed, heads lowered, tails between there tails as I removed the sheets, each sensing the inevitable has come to pass. As I took the sheets off of the bed I folded them, and not to brag, but they were folded better coming off of the bed than when we put them on. And here they are sitting in the chair next to me along with her pillows, and mattress pad.

Maybe that's why I had no urge to come home tonight And maybe that is why I am sitting her at 3 am posting instead of sleeping, because the sheets have changed.

Like I said some days just suck!