Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Forever the Fashionista!!!!!!!

That's right here is a second entry on the same day don't fall over!

I need your assitance. It was my intent that as Heather's condition improved I would nominate, and submit an application for Heather to TLC's "What Not To Wear". The purpose for this, was to help build her self esteem and confidence due to how her illness had affected her appearance (loss of hair, the dark circles around her eyes etc.). For some of you, unfortuntely, you know all to well what I am talking about, and I want you to always remember this, YOU ARE AND ALWAYS WILL BE BEAUTIFUL!

Unfortunately I was unable to do this for her. Instead last week, I submitted an application to TLC in her memory, I told them of Heather's story and added a link to her blog in her application. As I stated in the application, though I was not able to nominate her, in her memory if they would somehow select a fighter (never a victim!) either currently undergoing treatment, or in remission and treat them to help rebuild the confidence that the illness erodes.

I am pasting the body of the application and a link to submit an application. If you see fit, please flood them with applications and ask anyone that you know to do the same. Show them that there is "BALD POWER!". I know this sounds like the rants of madman and maybe it is. But I know, and have lived with the effects that this ailment can have on the fighter and that they are every bit as much deserving as anyone that has been on the show. Maybe if there are enough madmen (persons......ah women whatever) that push for Heather's application maybe just maybe someone can get that little boost that is needed. Below you will find the body and the link.

Richmond Virginia, in memory of Heather A Brown


My name is Scott Brown, my wife Heather was an avid fan of your show going back to pre-Clinton. We would watch you show laugh, cry, and just be dumbfounded sometimes lol. My wife was diagnosed with a rare form of ovarian cancer the week after Thanksgiving, unfortunately when found it was already at stage 4. This did not get her spirits down except for her appearance. She was always a robust woman, a BBW model in her early life before I met her. I originally had planned to nominate her as her disease was showing signs of submission to help build her self esteem if selected, unfortunately Nick could take the day off unless he had some good wig care tips lol, and especially the make up tips to help hide the visual signs that the disease showed on her face especially the eyes. My wife had the most beautiful eyes.

As you can tell by the subject line this is an application in memory. My wife lost her fight last Tuesday night (4-14-9) just five months after finding out that she was ill at the age of 47 (8-9-61 to 4-14-9). She was a very strong woman, and after being diagnosed, started a blog to inform friends and family. As it turns out it has also given insight and strength to other sufferers who would read it. I am attaching a link if you care to read it please start from the beginning.

This is a very strange request, that I know, but if you could do a show with a cancer patient either currently undergoing treatment or in remission in her memory I would greatly appreciate it. I am attaching a photo of her as I will remember her and maybe you can help someone regain their self esteem as I wished that I could have done for her.

My wife was a very accomplished person loved by everyone, but feared that no one would remember her. If you would choose to accept this application, not only do I know that in a small way she will not be forgotten, but she will also be helping someone else deal with the same ordeals as she had gone through.

Thank you

Scott Brown

Getting off my soap box now, thankyou for letting me rant again

Scott and the X-Pooches (Rogue, Gambit, and Jubilee)

Dear Anonymous (EESister is that you?)

Thank you for your kind words. When Heather first set up this blog it was more to give universal information so that she did not have to make or receive so many phone calls due to the fatigue and the constant reminder to herself of her condition. I don't believe that Heather could have ever imagined the impact that she would have not only on those who fight the same battle or just for those that she somehow is able to give strength and inspiration to. That is the power of my little tail less rat fink and she might have become some super hero we always joked about her becoming (but no damn capes they are toooooooo dangerous!!! LOL). I will try the best I can to keep up too her standards even if at times they do seem to be rants. If you or anyone out there that reads Heather's blog feel that you know someone who could benefit just a pinch please pass along the link. If they look or not is not the point, put if one does and gains from it she will continue to do what she did best, at least for me, being a mentor and inspiration. I am glad that you don't mind hear a scratchy old broken record because I'm sure that it will happen again and again in the future.

I have not been able to bring myself to go on Heather's and into her e-mail see what groups that she belonged to or who she was in contact with. If there is anyone reading this blog that are members of some of the same groups I would appreciate it if you could help break the ice for me and inform them about Heather and her blog and give a resounding "BALD POWER!!!"for her.

Again thank you very much anonymous.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

First day back

Its a strange morning today. It is my first day back to work, the alarm goes off. The dogs head to the door. And yet something is missing, the routine is broken, no more bringing up a glass of water as Heather plays with her snooze. The sounds are gone, then morning chatter about whats going on at work today is no more. As strange as this morning is, I cannot imagine nor am I looking forward to coming home tonight. But again, sounding like a broken record, this yet another painful step.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Celebration Date is Set

I have been to the library today, and as of right now the date for Heather's Celebration service is Saturday June 27 from 2-5 pm at the Bon Air branch of the Chesterfield County Library. More details to follow. The library will be open during this time those attending must be aware of this (no table dancing until after). Please note that I used "Celebration" and not "Memorial" for a reason. WE WILL CELEBRATE AND NOT MOURN! Be casual and spirited, please dress as if coming for a cup of coffee and a chat (but I do frown on fuzzy slippers, rollers and hair nets!!). Like Heather, the celebration will be unorthodox and unique and a first for the library. Thank you for your patience, again more details to follow.


Scott and the pooches


Such a wonderful sunny Monday morning here in Richmond, VA

Correction to the bathroom update (lol), there is now a shower caddy and hand towel ring put in place. Now the bathroom is finished (lol). There wifey, anything else I missed??

Have a great Monday all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Scott, Rogue, Gambit, and Jubilee

P.S. Setting a date for the memorial service is on the schedule today.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Another Day Another Step

Today I have taken another small step. Laundry, what used to create "discussions" now a solitary act. Not that I haven't done laundry in the past week and a half, but I have not done anything with Heather's clean laundry that was still in the basket or hanging on the rod waiting to come upstairs. I am not yet ready to go through Heather's drawers or closet yet but I came to the decision that I did not need to bring up her clothes. Ten minutes seemed to last an eternity as I went through the basket folding and taking off hangers Heather's clothes. There are articles that I am indeed keeping (though I am under strict command no shrine by the brat herself) others I have folded and bagged to give to someone else that can use them.............but not today. I may have bagged them but I am still not ready to release them. And this is just Heather's laundry. Another day, another step, a step with a stone in my shoe.

Saturday, April 25, 2009


When Heather was first admitted to the hospital the last time, they needed to cut off her wedding ring due to how swollen her left side had become due to the clots. With tears in her she broke the news to me when I saw her that first night. After her passing I found her ring in her purse, cut and misshappen from when they removed it from her. I decided that the only fitting thing to do was to have her ring re-shaped and interlocked with mine and welded closed so to be forever together. Two links of a chain bound together.

All that I wanted was for them to be connected, no polishing, buffing, or scratch removal. Nothing to to take away the almost ten years of wear and tear. After being told that it could not be done by a store starting with "J", a salesperson by the name of Anita, at a a store starting with "F" was more than willing to meet my task. No buffing, no grinding, no polishing, no removing of the years of nicks and scratches that did not take away from the rings lustre or meaning, just like every day that we were together bright and full of meaning yet still having bumps and dings along the way.

Last night, we were able to pick up the rings, now interlocked they looked the same as they did prior to that day. The jeweler did such a wonderful job and was able to do the weld with minute alteration to the inscription inside. Thank you again Anita, and the wonderful people at "F".

YES!!!!!!!!!!!! The bathroom is finished, and it even has a Jacuzzi..................toilet not tub (LOL laugh out loud there mom happy?) Either tightened the base to tight or I need to lose some weight but the based to the old toilet snapped. Heather still was able to "agree" with me on that statement as I cut my finger on the broken porcelain (thanks wifey sheesh). I think that Heather is smiling down happy with the end product. And yes Mama Wawa, we did good on the color selection for the paint. And yes spy, I will be sending pics shortly.

Memorial Service.........With everything that is involved in dealing with the passing of someone, sometimes the emotionally most important are the ones that keep getting rescheduled to do. I have been neglectful in getting with the library on a date, or maybe deep down I just don't want to admit that its needed, and there is still that chance of her still being here. I will make contact Monday with them and work out a date.

Please stay in touch...............I am finding out so much about Heather from those who knew her before I did. You make me laugh and cry. I enjoy writing back and forth with you and hope that it continues.

Still having an impact on others...............Just when I feel that I am being selfish in continuing to post on Heather's blog, I will receive an e-mail from someone telling how much her words mean to them and the impact they have on their live. The same happened yesterday as my father and I had completed the bathroom, I was checking my e-mail as dad was getting ready to go back to the hotel. There was an e-mail that I opened that had tears cascading down my face from someone who had never met Heather, but received strength in her words. I had my father sit down next to me and read the letter and for the first time in years I saw this strong man wipe a tear from his eyes. He looked at me and told me that this is Heather's legacy.

Jubilee wins over more and more..................Yesterday was payday, I was at a good stopping point on the bathroom and dad was putting together the vanity as I decided to go and get my check. I told my dad and walked toward the door. When I got to the door Jubilee (or Jubie) was there tail wagging looking up wanting to come. Very strange for Jubie to approach the door this way, so what the heck the other dogs were in the other room and couldn't see me put Jubie's harness on her so why not. Jubie and I got in the4 car and took the 30 minute drive to work. When there I went in picked up my check, thanked everyone for all that they had done for me got a bowl of water to take out to the car. Getting to the car I opened Jubie's door took the leash and was going to take her for a walk before heading home. Everyone loved her some came out while others looked and talked out of the window. Could there ever be any doubt? She has you hook line and sinker withing 30 seconds of meeting her. For her showing you her tummy IS NOT a sign of submission rather the nectar that a spider puts on her web, once you reach and touch it your stuck by her lethal seduction.

For those of you who do not know it is Jubilee's baby picture at 6 weeks from the city pound that Heather uses as her avatar, and she has only become more adorable since. If someone out there knows how to attach pictures to the3 blog I would appreciate an e-mail so you could see the kids.

Alone by choice.................I know this is a weird subtitle but please hear me out. Last night I had dinner with my parents, and afterwards we picked up the rings. As we were leaving the store making plans it seemed best for me to just go home and begin "appreciating" alone time with the pooches. I think that the pooches and I both needed some non-excitement down time other than saying goodnight to someone leaving then going to bed. I got home let them out then we sat in the living room watching TV, Jubilee laying her head on my thigh, Rogue snoring on the love seat, and good old Gambit the fidgeting pacer trying to steal pizza crust off of the counter. It was the first time that I saw what lies ahead. It will take some getting used to, correction a lot of getting used to. I have yet found the courage to change the sheets as much as I know that I need too just to give you an idea.

I had dosed off watching TV, when I woke around midnight I looked at all of the kids as they to were asleep also. For some reason as I looked at them, I decided not to call "Bedtime everybody!" Rather I let them sleep as I walked up the stairs to face an empty bedroom with no Heather and no dogs, just me, for the first time since Heather passed. As I turned out the lights it was a matter of minutes that I heard Jubilee's little feet coming up the steps, jump in the bed give me a kiss, and do her little pig grunt as she nuzzled in next to me. Gambit was next about an hour later barking to wake me to let him out before he came and joined us, and Rogue......she was just too darn comfortable where she was (lol) . All in due time I am at the baby step phase I think.

I think that I stomp a big enough carbon footprint for today.


Friday, April 24, 2009

I Dream of Jeannie.......................

No not Barbara Eden.....................well not since I was twelve but who didn't lol. No this dream is for strength and perseverance how ever you may find it. Trust me I didn't know how many ways or forms that you can find it until these past few weeks. Trust in your family, the smile and wag of a pooch, the bloom of a single tulip where you never thought you planted a bulb (some damn squirrel probably forgot where they buried it lol), completing a project that has so much dust on it it makes you sneeze, the breeze across your face, or an e-mail that brings tears to your eyes knowing someone, who thought that no one would remember them, is still making a difference in others lives.

I Dream Of Jeannie with Strength and Perseverance.


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Many Steps of Closure

The day after Heather past, one of the first items of business for me was to remove all medicinal signs of her being sick. Any OTC medications went to the trash and all prescribed items went to CVS to be properly disposed of.

Many other steps happened prior to that day and many since that day. Today many more have been made. To those who knew or knew of her, knew that one of her many passions in life was reading. Same held true when she first found out that she was sick, before it seemed I had blinked Heather had already either gone out for or ordered information, treatment, and even a cooking with cancer book. Another passion was fashion as she joked on how she would get a different wig for everyday of the week to never have the same "do" twice a week, and to buy hats to make her look like a model (always beautiful to me).

I have also came to the realization that of the many people who helped my wife it is usually only the doctors that get the thanks, and well deserved it is. But there are many others that needed to be thanked. That process I started today.

I know the last two paragraphs sound like ramblings but they do tie in and I hope I can do it properly.

I had earlier in the week gathered the books that Heather had bought on her cancer and boxed them up. When my father and I had decided to take a break from the crown molding today, I decided to gather the books and head off to the Stoney Point Massey Cancer Center where she both saw her doctors and took her chemo (and goof ball dad kept working after I left). I really don't remember how I felt as I pulled off of Chippenham Parkway to go to the center. I was more concerned in informing those who do not know yet about Heather than the reasons that brought her there in the first place. When I stepped up to the reception desk with books in hand as well as the harness pads to protect her port while driving that the volunteers gave her the receptionist saw me standing there (6'7" 312 pounds kinda hard to miss) hung up the phone and with her always wonderful smile greeted me. "Hello, I am Heather Brown's.........." before I could get out husband, she was standing and telling me how sorry she was and how wonderful Heather was (big surprise sheesh!). I first let her know how much I appreciated how she and the staff took care of Heather and made good out of a bad situation, I then let her know that I was there to donate the books that Heather had bought and the pads that the volunteers had given her. With that same great smile she graciously accepted them saying that they would put Heather's name in the books before putting them out. I then asked if I could go back and thank the nurses that treated her, again with a smile she buzzed me in. I went back and saw her three wonderful nurses, I stammered through tanking them telling them how much Heather appreciated how they took care of her when she went for treatments, the ordeals of the ports and all. One of the nurses with a tear in her eye embraced me, another with tears rolling down her cheek sat in her chair smiling, while the last chuckled and told me how much of a card that she was. We reminisced in about 30 seconds four months of life especially how she brought dogs into every conversation that she had. I then informed them of dropping off the books and pads, and then asked if they could do anything with her wigs and hats. Hopefully it is true, of which I will always believe, or they trying to comfort me by telling me that I could bring the items to them and the volunteers could make them ready for another who is need of them. As I was saying goodbye the nurse that was seated stood reached around the corner and brought out Heather's pink umbrella that she had on her last visit and started to hand it to me. I stopped her and asked her to keep it and the next time that it rained if there was a patient without one to give it to them, another tear rolled down her face.

The Women's Clinic, where both Dr O. and Dr. B. saw Heather is in the same building, and needless to say so is a lab. As I mentioned earlier the doctors are usually the only ones that get the praise and the thanks and there are so many others that are part of the team. I was fortunate that the people that I wanted to see were working today. At the clinic the two women that worked the desk were there, I approached them and introduced myself and thank them for how they took care of Heather. My mother had warned me that there will be times when the following would happened, the one said how wonderful Heather was (here I thought it my little secret sheesh again) then asked how she was doing. I thought of my mother's warning, my voice cracking as I broke the news to them. Stun and dismay appeared instantaneously on their faces. They started to tell me that they were sorry for my loss, as I stopped them to tell them that I was there to thank them because I know not all those deserving get the proper credit. I also had one last stop before leaving the building and that was at the lab.

There is a little tech that always drew my wife's labs, they had an instant repour for the first time Heather sat at her station she noticed pictures of the tech's Great Dane puppy and that's all it took (big surprise again). I asked if I could speak to her for a moment as she called her next patient. She looked up at me confused and maybe scared (her about 5' 110 and again myself 6' 7" 312) said just a moment as she led her patient back then came out to see me. I again introduced myself and informed her of Heather, and also with a laugh in my voice that including Heather's last day she tell anyone that came close to her with a needle that they could never be as good as the person at Stoney Point, the one and only that never gave her any pain. Blushing and with a sheepish smile she thanked me.

For me, for today, for our journey together I had taken the steps that needed to be taken until the next path I come across. The nameless with warmth, smiles, care, and compassion needed to be acknowledged and thanked.

Again I hope that I was able to properly tie my two rambling paragraphs together properly.

Now, on a lighter note, those who Heather had signed up to spy on me and project progress (Lisa) .............. crown molding up set and painted, thresh holds in place, exterior light replaced, and David will be back to install toilet and sink on Thursday and the bathroom will be done lol!

I originally put Staircase to Closure in the title bar, but Heather hated Led Zepplin and well it sounded to close to the song.

Thank you for letting me rant.


To anonymous......and thank you for answering my question

To Anonymous

First let me thank you for asking your question in the comment under the "Why is it " posting. I had just asked my parents yesterday morning if it was still proper for me to be posting on Heathers site. You have answered that question for me, if I can help one person understand, come to terms for their own condition or family member then I know I am doing the right thing, again thank you.

Also my thoughts and prayers go to you as you continue your fight stay strong and as Heather would say "Bald Power!"

On Sunday April 12, we went to bed like normal Heather was a little "antsy" because the next day She was to see Dr. B then have another chemo session. We had no Idea that would be the last night that we would spend together. When she woke up that following morning she was stiff and sore on her left side and noticed a knot in her left shoulder. Her first thoughts was that her port had gone bad again and was not looking forward to getting stuck in the arm. I went to work and she later went to the doctor.

When the doctor saw her, she felt that Heather had developed blood clots and sent her by ambulance to the hospital. There they took a CT scan and determined that she did have clots that were in her veins and not in her arteries, she did not need to have surgery to remove them they would admit her and treat her with blood thinners. As anyone who has followed Heather's blog will know nothing in her fight followed logic. They tried multiple thinners with no effect, and her pain was increasing. She stayed strong and feisty waiting for the right treatment to take hold so she could get home and play with the pooches. I do not remember the day that another doctor came into Heather's room and informed her that she had started to develop fluid between her ribs and her lungs and that they were trying to develop a plan on relieving the fluid and pressure. On Sunday April 12, her mother got to town and was in her room when I got there after work by this time Heather was receiving transfusions to help bring her red cell counts up. A few minutes later after I arrived another doctor came into the room and again told us how "unique" her condition was. The red cells were more or less breaking down as soon as they entered her body and no one could figure out why and that they would continue trying to thin out the clots and raise her cells. Monday April 13 she appeared to be in better spirits, this is also the day that we spoke to the nurse from the hospice outreach on steps when she did come home. Tuesday April 14 Heathers mother called me from the hospital to let me know that the pain had increased and she would keep me informed not knowing that my cell phone had ran out of juice when I hung up with her. Approximately 4:35 My co-manager handed me the store phone, on the other end was the nurse administrator telling me that I needed to get in my car, drive safely, and get to the hospital now. When I got to the hospital I was lucky enough to make it for the last 40 minutes that Heather had to share. What the doctors had determined was that one of the blood clots in her chest broke free and went to her lung. Also that the tumor had reversed itself and gone aggressive against her which points to why her red counts were down, her pain, and the probability that she was suffering from internal bleeding. Until that Tuesday, one week ago today we still had plans for her to come home, she is now.

If there is anything else that I might be able to do for you as you continue your fight anonymous please continue to post comments or contact me at my e-mail listed in the previous posts.

Wifey your blog is still helping.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Happy Puppies

Today I brought Heather's remains home. How appropriate it was Jessica that put her in my hands. It just seemed so natural "Hi Wifey" came out of my mouth without thinking. My parents were with me, and my mother sat and held Heather as I drove home. I dreaded the thought of going to get her, but once she was in my arms a sense of calm came over me. There was still a tear in my eye, not a sad one but rather a peaceful happy one with a small smile. I have her now for eternity. I can protect her and she can feel no pain or hurt. I can still go to her when I need counsel or comfort.

When we got to the house, you could sense a relief in the pups. Rogue was tail wagging in a propeller spin yowling, Gambit was barking lifting himself up and down on his front paws tail looking for something to knock over, and Jubilee had her ears perked, smiling, standing with her front paws latched to my waist band. They were happy, relieved, overjoyed that their mom was home. They have been acting more and more like themselves prior to Heather getting sick as the minutes tick by. I believe that their first steps in their healing process has started also like their dad's.

Why is it.................

Why is it......

That we wait so long?

To tell someone how much that they mean to us. To realize how much they mean us. To do trivial tasks that we are asked to do. To understand how much someone has done for us and how little we have done in return.

That we argue over what?????

Paint colors, cookies or crackers, which show to watch, who gets to sleep in on your days off.

That we think we have forever to make up for our faults until it is too late?

I sit here this morning my second day waking up alone in the house with the pooches, and cannot shake these thoughts that have been creeping in to the back of my mind since the day that Heather past and have yet to come up with an answer. Is it some type of cosmic punishemnt to linger forever constantly reminding me of what I should have done? Is it just human nature that we leave loose ends? To keep busy I have had my father and mother to help to do little half hour plus jobs that was on Heathers to do list that I have avoided for years. After completeing them I see now what she saw then when she thought them up. Why is it that I put them off for so long now she will never "see" them. Was it pushback, stubborness, aragance or just plain laziness that I did not complete them until now?

One of the major projects that Heather wanted done was a set of built in bookshelves in the living room and crown molding around the ceiling. It took me over three years to build the shelves for her and they were still not completed when she went into the hospital last week. They were built and loaded but not painted, she at least was able to see them filled. My father helped me yesterday to finsh some of the things that needed to be done in the bathroom before re-installing the toilet and sink, he also helped as we started to put the crown molding up in the living room. As we neared completion of a task all I could do was to think of how much my wife saw ahead and how little I did to help her see it now. I know somewhere and some how she is still fussing about this corner or that brush stroke, I just wished that I was able to hear her say it and do it right this time.

Why is that we think we have forever?

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Heather is Still Being A Prankster, and Smiling About It!

First I do not want to offend anyone, but it was Heather's wish to be cremated. The thought of of being buried drove her crazy. She wanted to be able to always be at home with me and the dogs even in her passing. We had so many plans to travel that we were not able to do, she wanted us to go to England, India, and Italy to name a few. Now if the oppertunity ever arises I will be able to take her with me and leave part of her there to inspire someone that may pass by as she did while she was with us.

(slaps self across the face lol) "Enough Husby get to the good stuff!" And that I will. Yesterday her mother, my parents, brother, and I went to make the arrangements for Heather's creamation. We were able to view her, and I swear the expression on her face was saying, "ok already lets get going and stop daudling its cold in here and I want to get warm!" And for those of you who actually knew her can understand that statement. For those who do not know the process, unlike a funeral home you are not allowed physical contact when viewing.

After the arrangements had been made, I asked Jessica who was working with us, if there was anyway that I would be able to give her one last kiss. (Jessica you were ever so wonderful for the way that you helped us through the process I cannot thank you enough). She was able to allow me go back to her. As I leaned over her I saw her at peace for the first time in a great while. I was able to hold her, rub my stubble on her forehead (stop sanding me husby!), kiss her lips, nose and forehead. I talked to her, cried, cursed, and laughed. I told her how muched I loved her and rested my head on here tummy the way that I would do while we were in bed. When the time came that I needed to go I looked on her face and could swear that there was that little smile that she always had when something made her happy. At that moment I knew it was time for me to leave. I went back to the lobby where her mother and my family were waiting, my mother asked if I was ok. Without hesitation I through both arms in the air with thumbs up (that used to irritate her) and laughed as I told them all that she smiled at me. True or not that is how I will remember the last time that I saw Heather's face.

(feels a slap to the back of the head-tell them about the pranks!) There were a few restaurants that Heather truely enjoyed, two of which one is Mexican and another is Italian. My parents and brother are staying at a hotel that is within walking distance to the Mexican restaurant that she liked. When we got to the doors, we found that the place had closed in January, (I told you I wanted Frank's in the first place) So off to the Italian restauarant it was (prank number one).

(prank number two) There were so many projects that are unfinished around the house that she wanted to see completed and I promise that I will get them done as I can. One of which is painting the main bath and putting crown molding in the living room. After lunch her mother my father and brother went to Lowes to get what we needed. We got the molding and her mom picked out several paint chips and back to the house so I could take her mom to the airport. After deciding on the color, it was time for her mother to say her goodbyes and off to the airport it was. The trip out was uneventful, I dropped Heather's mom off, and started back home. Within minutes Heather's mom was calling saying that her flight was delayed and she would be leaving tomorrow and if I could come and pick her back up. In other words I feel that Heather was making sure that we not only picked out the color but went and got it too! LOL That's my wifey.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Smiling down with a book in her hands

When we left the hospital the other night we were trying to decide on where to have her memorial service. For some reason it came to me to have it at the local library branch if they would allow it. Heather was so thirsty for literature I felt that it would be the most appropriate place for her and that somewhere it would make her smile. We went to the branch today and when I went in one of the libraians that she had come to know saw me she knew and hung up her phone call broke into tears and embraced me, the same happened yesterday forsome strange reason I felt the need to take Jubilee to the vet to have her nails trimmed and when I told Dr. Tom he did the same. Why in the hell she ever thought that she would not be remembered has me dumbfounded she was so special and touched so many different people in so many diffferent ways. At first it appeared as if my idea was not going to become a reality the branch manager who did not know Heather did not know how to react for it was the first time anyone had ever asked to use a conference room in this manner. He was very sympathetic and told me that I should have contact information on who to talk to on Monday. About a half hour after we got home from the library, Susan the librarian who help me called and said that they had the go ahead, by the tone in her voice I feel very strongly that she might have had a great deal in helping to make this happen. Now I know that she is somewhere book in hand smiling down on us.

I hope your happy Wifey I love and miss you

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Reaching the Next Bar

Hi everyone, this is Heather's husband Scott. I am here making this entry for Heather because she is unable to. We lost her to bigger and better things ahead for her last night (4-14-9) around 5:45 p.m.. (she never did like tax day and found a great way to avoid it wouldn't you know) I want everyone of you to know that she appreciated your support in everyway that you provided it. She was the strongest woman that I have ever known, there was no obsticle that she wouldn't tackle and conquer. I have not only lost my wife, but my best friend, and confidant. She was my mentor and inspiration, she pushed and prodded me to do things that I didn't know that I was capable of doing. That part of her spirit will alway burn hot in my soul and help me to continue. She was strength and inspiration to many and those that she met she left a lasting impact on. No one will forget her that has ever met her. I hope that through her blog maybe she has also given strength to others, maybe a smile or two. She was just that way and is probably looking down on me as I type pointing out my gramatical errors and correcting my spelling with her hand on my shoulder and chuckling in my ear how goofy I am rambling on. To show just how much of a fighter she was one of her last statements when helping her adjust in her bed was "help me reach the bar". I don't think anyone really understood what she was saying but in my heart I know that she was ready to move on and tackle and conquer her next goal. I was fortunate enough to be there and hold her as she moved on with her mother. My parents arrived in Richmond a few hours after she passed and spent time in the room with her as she lay there looking as if she was a sleep minus the snoring. As you have read nothing with her illness was ever standard or simple and like her was very unique to the point that when we went with her to the morgue, that the transporters key cards would not work to open the doors again her way have having the last laugh.

She was concerned that no one would remember her but that is something that I believe is far from being true. How could you ever forget the twinkle in her eyes, that cocky little smirk or the warmth that she brought when ever she entered a room. Her pressence was enormous. She had one hell of a voice that can be attested to by anyone that heard it. She had an insatiable thirst for knowledge, the love that she had for our dogs was without measure and was always looking to find ways to making herself, me, us better as individuals and a couple. I feel that Heather knew that her time was nearing but didn't want to let on and worry us, thats just how she IS. Her main concern was who would continue her blog once she had moved. Though it might not be on regular basis, her mother and I will pick up the torch and keep her fire bright. Do not mourn for her but celebrate her. When her mother my parents and I came home last night we did not mourn her. We celebrated her with a toast of champage and watching the results show of Dancing With The Stars. (she would have been so happy that Steve-O was eliminated lol) I wish you all to do the same, have a chai and smile, pet a dog, sing a song, REACH FOR THAT NEXT BAR!

There are no arrangements yet made for memorial services but for those who would like to be informed please send contact information to me at please submit the Pink Leopard in the subject line. There is one request that Heather had, that in lieu of sending flowers please make a donation to charities that deal with animal shelters or children (always thinking of those who could not defend or speak for themselves).

Thank you for following and helping her.


Sunday, April 5, 2009


Well, again its been some time since I posted, this time due mainly to feeling quite poorly for the last week and a half. The best I can figure is that my body just did not like that last transfusion. I spoke to the nurses about why a transfusion takes so long (2-3 hours) and also asked why the benadryl and prep, and they explained that a transfusion is like a mini organ transplant. Your body may try to reject the new blood, and therefore they give you anti-histamines so you don't have a bad allergic reaction to the new blood. Of course in an emergency situation like surgery they don't have the luxury to take that kind of time. At any rate I have been pretty sick (missed four days of work last week, all of which were spent laid out in bed, no TV, not even reading, I felt so bad) as well as the previous weekend down for the count as well. I usually have a couple of bad days during each chemo cycle, but this went beyond, and the blood is the only thing that was different, so that's what I'm going with. Also my body was reacting a bit differently than normal, trying to eject things as quickly as possible, including vomiting, which normally has not been one of my issues at all.

I have one more weird thing that I've been trying to avoid. A couple weeks back I started getting a couple sore spots in my abdomen and it does feel a bit like I pulled something, although I don't have any recollecction of doing so, but it seems to still be there. I see the doctor tomorrow, so I should know whats going on then. I have to admit I have been a bit afraid to call, as I worry it's the tumor getting up to shenanigans. It is probably just a strain, but I have read alot about people having issues with this type of cancer spreading to nearby organs, and I just hope the pain is not related to that at all. I have been taking pain meds for it too, and I get weird when I take too many pain meds (I get worried I'll become addicted, which is silly if all it does is take the pain away, but that's just me). I'm sure I'm making a bigger deal about it in my head than exists, and it will be settled one way or the other tomorrow at any rate, so no more avoidance for me!

On a brighter note, Neutron appears to have found a home! He is no longer available for adoption, nor is he at the shelter, so it seems that about a month ago (according to my sources) he was adopted and is with a new loving family!

On a less bright note Gambit's sarcoma is growing again, and seems to be coming on pretty strong. His behavior is still perky and normal, but we are going to take him to the vet this week to work out a long-term plan. He cannot keep having big surgeries every couple of months (bad for his health and our wallet) but he is still an active happy dog, so we need to find a way for him to live with this without having to go under all the time, and by avoiding any treatment that will make him sick. It's one thing for me to have chemo, I can understand why I feel bad, but it would never work for him and I would hate to make him sick for no reason that he could understand. I'm sure the vet will be able to find a way to keep Gamby active and happy, and if course I will post all results as we get them.