Rogue-date

Sorry it has been awhile since my last post, work and school giving me a swift kick in each cheek. Until today I really did not have an update to give you on Rogue, but her is what I have found out since Saturday................

Saturday I took RoRo in to have her bandage changed, Dr. Tom's wife thought that it was best to leave her there over the weekend crated so they could let it air out.

Monday The pathology came back and Rogue does have cancer in that area. Per Dr. Tom, it is probably the best place to have it, localized and not on a weight bearing toe. Decision to leave rogue over night and have toe removed today. Precaution of having a chest x-ray taken to make sure nothing was hiding before having surgery.

3:15 Today, Dr. Szavick called surgery went great, Rogue is still groggy, and the CHEST X-RAY CAME BACK CLEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When I saw Dr. Tom last night, I "jokingly" said enough is enough already, you have got to give me good news sooner or later. Well hopefully this means the girls and I are turning the corner and getting away from the dark clouds that seem to stay over our heads.

5:15 today signing off, going to the vet and as log as Rogue is alert enough to come home bringing her back with me. (Jubilee has been so lonely with her gone and when I need to leave the house, it is the only time in her life that she has been left totally alone, sure she is going to go crazy when I bring Rogue home).


Thank you all for your positive thoughts e-mails and prayers


Scott and Jubilee

Rogue has a boo boo

And the fun just keeps on going. Rogue has been licking her front left paw over the last few days. Mary noticed that it was swollen and left me a note on Friday. Yesterday morning I took her to see Dr. Gary, Dr. Tom's partner. It appeared as if she had managed to pull the nail sheath away from the quick, Dr. Gary ws not too happy with what he saw and decided that Rogue needed to have a little more attention than just a visit. The hospital is only open until 1pm on Saturdays, he said for me to leave Rogue with him and that either between appointments or after hours he would put Rogue under and work on her toe. He also told me that he would come back later in the afternoon check on her and give me a cal if she was ready to come home.

About an hour or so after leaving Rogue at the hospital Dr. Gary called and said that she was resting but he didn't like what he saw, and thought that there might be a possibility that she may have a tumor on her foot. He took a tissue biopsy and has sent it out for testing and should have the results in 10-14 days. He also said that if it was a tumor that there was a strong possibility that the toe would need to be removed.

About ten minutes after I had finished cutting the front yard Dr. gary called to let me know that rogue was up and alert and that I could come and pick her up. When I got there and Dr. Gary let me in we went back to get Ro Ro, and she damn near pulled my arm out of socket on the leash lol.

The pain meds have worn off today and she is a little more subdued and taking her antibiotics until we see the doc again on tuesday, and then the waiting game for the biopsy results. As if little miss non chalant could look any sadder with her classic hound dog face put a big white bandage on her paw lol. Please keep your fingers crossed for the girl, and how many more months left in this damn year?

Starting to get numb?

Tuesday was the dreaded 14th, and yet it wasn't that bad this month, the third month. I thought about it all weekend, along with thoughts of Gambit and the loneliness that we feel without either of them in the house. Yes I said we, both Jubie and Rogue get "perky" ear if anyone mentions the word "mommy". Jubilee especially, her ears perk up she looks to the kitchen, then with a growling welcoming bark runs downstairs waiting for Heather to walk in the door. Rogue will get "puppy ears" and her tail starts to go into a propeller spin. I still reach over looking for her in the middle of the night. We all hear the phantom steps of both da wife and da big guy when we sit down stairs, time for breakfast or dinner, ande when ADPP is called in the evening. (After Dinner Pee Poo another Heatherism)

I'm not sure but maybe my job has a little to do with it. So far I have seen a few of the people that Heather has worked with over the years and for some reason that I cannot explain it has been helpful. Among them one person in particular that I had to inform that Heather had passed. Maybe its because knowing them through Heather makes me think of the past that or the fact that when I see them we just talk is helping me see that I need to move forward and not live in the past, not become stagnant like Heather dictated lol. Maybe I am just becoming numb to the date. Mindful of the date, remembering the day abecause nd events I just did not have the same sinking depression of the last two months. Maybe also it is the first month after Heather's celebration and there is a little stress that has been released or taken away.

I just hope that when all is said and done it just means that I am starting to come to terms, and not that I has slipped into numbness.

Not only do I still have issues with Heather and Gambits passing, they just dont seem so severe now. I hope this is just a sign of healing and nothing more.


Scott and the girls

amendments

First I forgot to thank everyone that had sent emails to me regarding the loss of Gambit. For those of you who actually were "lucky" enough to meet him you know just what a character he was, and why he will be missed so much. For those of you who never had the opportunity to meet the big guy I hope that I have been able to show at least a tenth of how much a member of the family he was. Just like Jubilee and Rogue now, Spike Spalding and Neut before they transcend past animals and pets.


OK Michelle, here you go and for anyone else curious about the conviction confusion. My criminal back ground check came back dirty for the new job that I have. I found this out late Friday night, 4 days before leaving my previous position. There was no one to speak to about it over the weekend and to be honest it had me sweating bullets until Monday morning when I was able to talk to someone about it. As it turns out there is another person in another state with the same exact name, and same exact date of birth that has a felony conviction, and felony warrants out from a few years ago. Needless to say it was not me and after answering a few questions, everything was straightened out. Still it made for a sleepless weekend lol. There you go the short and hopefully not to boring story of my brief non-criminal career lol.


Have a great day all, find something that you enjoy and just do it!

Scott the girls, rabbit, toad and squirrels (yes back in force and almost took out Willard when he was here, should have had my batting helmet on lol)

Heather's Revenge..............Support...............Country Music

It has been a bit since the last post, a little time for reflection, taking care of unfinished business, and the thought of Heather's revenge.

We the pack have slowly adjusted to our new numbers, though smaller we will stay strong. The kids have almost adjusted like their father. Jubie and I still look for Gambit to come storming down the stairs to go out and have breakfast in the mornings. Jubilee still is a little hesitant about getting in the bed at night and sniffs for signs of the big guy when she does. I still reach over in the middle of the night thinking that I will but my arm around Heather or get a big wet slobbery kiss from the big guy. Reality sets in you sigh and go forward.

I had my appointment at the consignment store this past week to take some of Heather's clothes, shoes, and bags. It was very strange putting them in the car, another part of denial that had to be dealt with. the longer they were in the house the..................I think you can figure out the rest. The ladies at the shop remembered Heather and we talked about her, not her illness or death but her. It was great, almost like the celebration had rolled over to that day in the store. They were more than helpful with showing me the ropes, as simple as they are, to the extent of allowing me to leave the out of season items there until the proper time so I did not need to take them home only to bring them back again. (But the rats did put me to work by making me hang items on the top rack that they couldn't reach and one of them had taken their step stool home and forgot to bring it back lol).

Now as far as Heather's revenge, she always had joke that the women in the house were out numbered. At one time it was me, Spike, Spalding, and Gambit against Heather, Rogue, and Jubilee. Well Heather must be both laughing and crying because it me with the two girls, and her with the three boys.

It has been a hell of a first half to the year so far. This is not the type of change I was expecting after the election. To answer this type of situation sometimes sick warped humor is all one may have to get them through the day. To make light of disastrous times or situations is not done out of disrespect but more of a survival mechanism and unfortunately I have been digging very deep into the joke bag. Hmm lets recap the first six months or so shall we?

We gave away an overly energetic dog.

My wife and friend, your daughter, sister, friend and co-worker died.

I needed to sell a car.

Was rear ended the day I sold the car.

Have been mistaken for a convicted felon on my background check

And finally I had to put my big buddy down to spare him from suffering.


And people wonder why I hate country music? Mainly because I am living the greatest number one song of all time it just hasn't been written yet. How I wish someone would write and record the song so I could but the old joke to the test; play it backwards and you get everything back. but you know what, I don't need the car back.

please don't be disgusted, but I do hope it made you chuckle.


Just me and the girls

A Little Bit About the Big Guy

Before I start to talk about about Gambit, I need to address how tremendously luck that Heather and I are to have Mary and David not only as our neighbors but also our friends. I do not know how I could have managed these past few months without their help and friendship. Mary has been such a blessing in helping to take care of the dogs. While I was working nights Mary volunteered to come over and feed the dogs dinner and let them out. Then as now while working days she comes over and lets them out for play and pottie time. Not once has Mary ever complained about coming over in bad weather and most of the time she leaves me a little "Mary" note letting me know the goings on of the day. (That is when I leave a working pen and paper for her.) David, how many neighbors will not only help you put your dog in a car but also ride with you and sit with you for three hours while decisions are made concerning fate of a valued and loved member of the family. I don't know what ever possessed them to but the house behind us but I will be forever greatful that they did. People like Dave and Mary just do not exist anymore.

Now about the Big Guy, my Big Buddy, Gambit.

Heather and I found Gambit in the spring of 2001 at a multi shelter adoption fair at Universal Ford. When we went our primary objesctive was to find an Irish Wolfhound for Heather who had had one by the name of Mel while living in Minnesota. We walked the lot, saw dogs, cats, birds, reptiles and snakes. We then came upon a small booth of a husband and wife small no kill shelter that had only two or three crates. In one we saw what appeared to be another black and tan coonhound curled up. Considering that we had aadopted Rogue the previous year we thought what the hell lets take a look.

As the husband went to open the crate and attach the leash to the collar out came the handsome dog who's coat shined like it had been finished with laquer. Out he came tall and proud and bouncy. He was not another black and tan but a brindled black and tan Greyhound/Doberman mix. We took the leash and he stayed by our side as we walked the lot never straying or pulling away. (OK how many of you are making the fishing motion right about now going "hook, line, and sinker") We went back to the booth, and talked to the husband and wife about his background.

At the time his name was "Trouble", they had him in their posession for about three years. He had been adopted out a few times only to be returned. He was also a court siezure, the couple had taken his original owner to court to gain custody due to neglect. See Gambit from the time he was a pup until taken was raised in a 10*10 pin without any contact with other dogs and rare human contact except for food and water. When put with larger dogs he would be bullied and did not defend himself, and subsequently the couple had to put him in with the smaller dogs. After a brief discussion and his sad story tugging at our hearts we decided to adopt "Trouble".

And for a while that's exactly what we thought we had done. "Trouble" was very exciteable and energetic. and did have a few bladder issues that put Heather and I at odds, and Heather to tears on more than one occasion. We too had a few time discussed returning him due to how he was in the house. But his soulful eyes, and uncontional love won out and we decided that we needed him.

We had decided that our dogs would be named after the X-Men, and the most appropriate name for him was Gambit. Energetic, mischievous, a thief and at times destructive. He loved to do things wrong and then bring them to your attention, like taking a sock out of the laundry basket and bringing it to you saying "see what I did". Almost like a child that would do something wrong and then sign their name to it (sound familiar mom?). He was also a very loving dog, needy of attention as those of you who know him and those who recently had the priveledge of meeting him know. He loved to get in the bed between us and "spoon". He would always find a way to have his paws on Heather's or my back, and tuck in close to the other. He loved to be cuddled in bed also. Wrapping your arms around the big guy was the best thing in his mind and he would find a way to whip his head around and give you a big wet one to tell you so. Gam was also the most outwardly empathetic of our dogs when one of us were sick or hurt. He would come up to which of us were under the weather and with big sad eyes look at you as if asking how can I make it better. When Heather was sick and staying home he stayed with her constantly snuggling her and giving her the non traditional gentle Gambi kisses. He was heartbroken, and depressed when Heather past always looking for her and wouldnt go on the bed.

Gambit was a rascal also to say the least. He was an expert thief, and take any unprotected food item from right in front of you in a blink of an eye. When David was building his shop in the back yard I was able to help him on Saturday afternoon. Mary was kind enough to go to subway and bring back sandwiches for us. As we sat their eating gambit came into the yard and stealthily came over to us, slowly circled behind us, and like a great white shark snatched the other half of dDavids footlong sub from between his legs and in two chomps and three strides a six inch Italian was gone before David or I could say let alone do anything. As in gambit style he then stood in front of us tail wagging with a huge grin on his face saying "that was tasty". I broke out laughing, David after the immediate shock and fighting through being upset laughed also. What else could we do? It was Gambit!

Gambit will also always be remembered for "his precious" strobing lit hard rubber balls that he would play and become obsessed with. He would either stand over or lie over them, watch them, "scold" them then pick them up and chew them then start the process all over again. He was notorius for "losing" his precious under the bed while he slept. When ever he would see either one of us with a broom upstairs, his tail would start to wag, he would bark, and position himself with his front paws under the bed, his butt in the air, and nose forward to where his ball was and wouldn't move until you got it for him. We fed the dogs in twelve hour intervals, and gambit knew exactly when time was up and would go and start to nose the can that the food was in as if saying "Hey I'm hungry here!"

I could go on foever to talk about the big guy like any proud parent would their kid but I think this is enough for now. I am sure that there will be a few more post that are dedicated to Gambit in the future, when I can write them a little more clear in the heart, mind, and eyes.

When I arrived home tonight on the table there was no "Mary" note but five pictures of our pooches, and a big heart drawn on paper that Mary had signed for her family including her three dogs. Mary thank you very much, while sad and causing the tears to run freely, at least I could see my Big Buddy when I got home.

GO GO GADGET GAMBI!!!!!!!!!!!!

Give Mommy a Big Wet Kiss Gambie

The title pretty much tells it all. It's 10:46 pm at the moment Mary's husband David has just brought me home from a night that I was not expecting.

Gambit's tumor had started to grown back, I was originally going to take him to see Dr. Tom on Thursday, a day that I have planned to go to the consignment store. Saturday morning after breakfast Gam had started to act lethargic, and his appetite was waning. This morning I called to take him in to get checked and make arrangements to have his tumor removed again. Dr. Tom drew labs and took a chest x-ray to make sure that the tumor had not started to grow inward. The x-rays came back negative, and the lab results would have been back tomorrow. Things were looking good at that time, just keep an eye on Gam.

After dinner Gam was a little unsteady going up the stairs, so I helped him up. I laid in the bed, Jubie jumped in and Gam was at the side ready to jump. Next I heard a thud as he collapsed on the floor and was just lieing there. I was freaked, scared, and shocked. I called to Dave and Mary's and asked if one of them could go with me to the Cary Street Emergency Animal Hospital. It seemed as if I had just hung up and David was there. As I put the leash on Gam he seemed to perk up back to normal. Confused I looked to Dave asking what the hell I should do. I took Gam out to see how he walked and he seemed normal.......until we got in the house.

On the verge of deciding not to go to the hospital, Gambit collapsed again in front of us. David took Jube and Rogue outside as I gathered up Gambit and we put him in the car. It seemed to take forever for us to get there. David vigil on Gambit and supporting him as we either went through turns or braked. We got to the hospital they took him straight to the back. The young Dr. then came and talked to us about 20 minutes later. It appeared as if Gambit was having electrical misfires in his heart where the charges were fighting against each other and improper blood flow was going through his body. Talk of x-rays, cardiologist, lanacaine treatments then followed. As the Dr. was explaining this to David and I Gambit evidently had another episode in his crate. The Dr. decided it would be best to take abdominal x-rays right away to make a determination if he had a mass that we were previously unaware of.

Sitting in the lobby area we were waiting to see the Dr. with x-ray results, though the thought of what was about to happen was in the back of my mind since he first collapsed I was not ready for what happened when the Dr. came out. She was holding Gam's ecg tapes, with a very concerned look on her face she began to go over them with David and I. Per the tapes, there was a 90+% chance that Gam would succumb to sudden death sometime during the night, yet she left the option totally to me with out making suggestions, which is what she needed to do even though I tried to prompt her to tell me what she would do if it was her dog.

If there is one thing that I have learned, no Heather taught me, during this whole goddamn time frame is that the NEED of dignity of the dieing far out weighs the selfish, greedy, petty wants of the survivors. I could have very easily made this turn around to make it about me, my needs, wants, and selfish desires to keep him with me no matter what the cost and pain it was to my big buddy to have tried to keep him dangling on. I made the decision after his last surgery that I needed to honest with how I saw what was best for him, or any family member in the future.

Gam probably stayed longer than he should have for me, now it was my turn to repay him and let him go in peace, in my arms and not alone in a strange place. Bitter as it was the decision was easy to make. They brought the big guy in so we could be alone for a few minutes before he moved on, and if I had any doubt in my decision it was washed away when I looked into his eyes, it was time. I held him got a last lick, gave him a lot of kisses and talked to him. Told him how much I appreciated him and glad he was in our family. I told him to find mommy and give her a huge wet kiss in the mouth. I can almost her Heather now screaming "poochanoockli, poochanookli!!!" in a laughing tone as Gambirt slips her the toung (lmao).

I knocked on the door signaling the Dr. to come in as we both got on the floor next to Gam as she began the injections. Slowly and without trouble (typical Gambit) my big buddy slumped into my arm as he took his last breath. Gambit was at rest, peace, and with his mom and two brothers at 9:47 tonight.

The bed just got bigger and a little colder again tonight but his warmth will burn inside of me along with Spike, Spalding, and their mother, my beloved and missed wife for the rest of my days.

GO PLAY BIG GUY, GIVE MOM A BIG WET KISS AND TELL HER I LOVE HER. I'M GOING TO MISS YOU BIG BUDDY.

GAMBIT BROWN

JULY 7, 2009

9:47 PM

Guilt

I at times still have my moments of anger due to Heather not being here when it comes time to doing things or going places that I need to do it alone. But those feeleings are slowly changing to guilt when it comes to doing or going to fun things. I know that I shouldn't, and yet I still do. I wish and talk to Heather that she should be with me and enjoying this with me. Last night as an example, I went to some of our very close friends for the evening and hung out. I was periodically struck witht he feeling that this wasn't right without Heather. We had fun, we watched the race, and later I went home. When getting home I sat in the drive way and couldn't stop talking to Heather about wishing she was with me tonight to enjoy the evening. (Especially since Kyle wrecked himself lol).

I know she and I joked about not becoming a hermit, that I would need to get out. She once even threw out how she needed to get me datable but hadn't got me to pick up my socks and shoes yet (what a brat). I guess this is another thing that will pass with time, but now it leaves me a little empty and guilty.

Somebody was a Shutterbug!

Every good party has pictures here are a few..............................(more after I find them

Welcome! Please sign in.

Various pictures of Heather and a "few" of her certificates.

Welcome Banner

Fashion Spirit Board





Dreams Spirit Board along with our wedding album and Heather's baby and child albums

Heather's UCLA Para-legal certificate, production accountant certificate

Many of Heather's friends and family from work, home, and childhood. Dr. Tom,St. Francis in a smock, center in the maroon t-shirt.

***out of order***

My mother in front of Heather's shelf, Heather, our special champagn bottle, the thinker, and a few of Heather's favorite Egyptian pens

More of Heather's friends and family

let the party begin!!!

Tammy (LA), sister Jennifer, the uncanny X-Pooches and me

Nephew Ethan

(second Mom) Sharon, niece Hannah

Friends Yvonne (richmond) Tammy (LA)

Tammy (LA), Willard (dad) me, Rogue and Gambit, Jennifer

Becca (SF), UE (Ed, LA), Christen (Childhood friend), Bobby D (Yvonne's Husband and my bud), Kim (Utah, Barbara's friend)

Jennifer, Uncle Doug (San Diego)

Kim, Barbara (Heather's mom), Becca, UE

Bob and Christen

DAMN THE PINK LEOPARD HAS A BLOND HUSBAND!!!!!

(if you came down this far its the least I can do, just dont choke while laughing)