I at times still have my moments of anger due to Heather not being here when it comes time to doing things or going places that I need to do it alone. But those feeleings are slowly changing to guilt when it comes to doing or going to fun things. I know that I shouldn't, and yet I still do. I wish and talk to Heather that she should be with me and enjoying this with me. Last night as an example, I went to some of our very close friends for the evening and hung out. I was periodically struck witht he feeling that this wasn't right without Heather. We had fun, we watched the race, and later I went home. When getting home I sat in the drive way and couldn't stop talking to Heather about wishing she was with me tonight to enjoy the evening. (Especially since Kyle wrecked himself lol).
I know she and I joked about not becoming a hermit, that I would need to get out. She once even threw out how she needed to get me datable but hadn't got me to pick up my socks and shoes yet (what a brat). I guess this is another thing that will pass with time, but now it leaves me a little empty and guilty.