Thursday, July 16, 2009

Starting to get numb?

Tuesday was the dreaded 14th, and yet it wasn't that bad this month, the third month. I thought about it all weekend, along with thoughts of Gambit and the loneliness that we feel without either of them in the house. Yes I said we, both Jubie and Rogue get "perky" ear if anyone mentions the word "mommy". Jubilee especially, her ears perk up she looks to the kitchen, then with a growling welcoming bark runs downstairs waiting for Heather to walk in the door. Rogue will get "puppy ears" and her tail starts to go into a propeller spin. I still reach over looking for her in the middle of the night. We all hear the phantom steps of both da wife and da big guy when we sit down stairs, time for breakfast or dinner, ande when ADPP is called in the evening. (After Dinner Pee Poo another Heatherism)

I'm not sure but maybe my job has a little to do with it. So far I have seen a few of the people that Heather has worked with over the years and for some reason that I cannot explain it has been helpful. Among them one person in particular that I had to inform that Heather had passed. Maybe its because knowing them through Heather makes me think of the past that or the fact that when I see them we just talk is helping me see that I need to move forward and not live in the past, not become stagnant like Heather dictated lol. Maybe I am just becoming numb to the date. Mindful of the date, remembering the day abecause nd events I just did not have the same sinking depression of the last two months. Maybe also it is the first month after Heather's celebration and there is a little stress that has been released or taken away.

I just hope that when all is said and done it just means that I am starting to come to terms, and not that I has slipped into numbness.

Not only do I still have issues with Heather and Gambits passing, they just dont seem so severe now. I hope this is just a sign of healing and nothing more.

Scott and the girls

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