Gambit's tumor had started to grown back, I was originally going to take him to see Dr. Tom on Thursday, a day that I have planned to go to the consignment store. Saturday morning after breakfast Gam had started to act lethargic, and his appetite was waning. This morning I called to take him in to get checked and make arrangements to have his tumor removed again. Dr. Tom drew labs and took a chest x-ray to make sure that the tumor had not started to grow inward. The x-rays came back negative, and the lab results would have been back tomorrow. Things were looking good at that time, just keep an eye on Gam.
After dinner Gam was a little unsteady going up the stairs, so I helped him up. I laid in the bed, Jubie jumped in and Gam was at the side ready to jump. Next I heard a thud as he collapsed on the floor and was just lieing there. I was freaked, scared, and shocked. I called to Dave and Mary's and asked if one of them could go with me to the Cary Street Emergency Animal Hospital. It seemed as if I had just hung up and David was there. As I put the leash on Gam he seemed to perk up back to normal. Confused I looked to Dave asking what the hell I should do. I took Gam out to see how he walked and he seemed normal.......until we got in the house.
On the verge of deciding not to go to the hospital, Gambit collapsed again in front of us. David took Jube and Rogue outside as I gathered up Gambit and we put him in the car. It seemed to take forever for us to get there. David vigil on Gambit and supporting him as we either went through turns or braked. We got to the hospital they took him straight to the back. The young Dr. then came and talked to us about 20 minutes later. It appeared as if Gambit was having electrical misfires in his heart where the charges were fighting against each other and improper blood flow was going through his body. Talk of x-rays, cardiologist, lanacaine treatments then followed. As the Dr. was explaining this to David and I Gambit evidently had another episode in his crate. The Dr. decided it would be best to take abdominal x-rays right away to make a determination if he had a mass that we were previously unaware of.
Sitting in the lobby area we were waiting to see the Dr. with x-ray results, though the thought of what was about to happen was in the back of my mind since he first collapsed I was not ready for what happened when the Dr. came out. She was holding Gam's ecg tapes, with a very concerned look on her face she began to go over them with David and I. Per the tapes, there was a 90+% chance that Gam would succumb to sudden death sometime during the night, yet she left the option totally to me with out making suggestions, which is what she needed to do even though I tried to prompt her to tell me what she would do if it was her dog.
If there is one thing that I have learned, no Heather taught me, during this whole goddamn time frame is that the NEED of dignity of the dieing far out weighs the selfish, greedy, petty wants of the survivors. I could have very easily made this turn around to make it about me, my needs, wants, and selfish desires to keep him with me no matter what the cost and pain it was to my big buddy to have tried to keep him dangling on. I made the decision after his last surgery that I needed to honest with how I saw what was best for him, or any family member in the future.
Gam probably stayed longer than he should have for me, now it was my turn to repay him and let him go in peace, in my arms and not alone in a strange place. Bitter as it was the decision was easy to make. They brought the big guy in so we could be alone for a few minutes before he moved on, and if I had any doubt in my decision it was washed away when I looked into his eyes, it was time. I held him got a last lick, gave him a lot of kisses and talked to him. Told him how much I appreciated him and glad he was in our family. I told him to find mommy and give her a huge wet kiss in the mouth. I can almost her Heather now screaming "poochanoockli, poochanookli!!!" in a laughing tone as Gambirt slips her the toung (lmao).
I knocked on the door signaling the Dr. to come in as we both got on the floor next to Gam as she began the injections. Slowly and without trouble (typical Gambit) my big buddy slumped into my arm as he took his last breath. Gambit was at rest, peace, and with his mom and two brothers at 9:47 tonight.
The bed just got bigger and a little colder again tonight but his warmth will burn inside of me along with Spike, Spalding, and their mother, my beloved and missed wife for the rest of my days.
GO PLAY BIG GUY, GIVE MOM A BIG WET KISS AND TELL HER I LOVE HER. I'M GOING TO MISS YOU BIG BUDDY.
JULY 7, 2009