Monday, April 20, 2009

Why is it.................

Why is it......

That we wait so long?

To tell someone how much that they mean to us. To realize how much they mean us. To do trivial tasks that we are asked to do. To understand how much someone has done for us and how little we have done in return.

That we argue over what?????

Paint colors, cookies or crackers, which show to watch, who gets to sleep in on your days off.

That we think we have forever to make up for our faults until it is too late?

I sit here this morning my second day waking up alone in the house with the pooches, and cannot shake these thoughts that have been creeping in to the back of my mind since the day that Heather past and have yet to come up with an answer. Is it some type of cosmic punishemnt to linger forever constantly reminding me of what I should have done? Is it just human nature that we leave loose ends? To keep busy I have had my father and mother to help to do little half hour plus jobs that was on Heathers to do list that I have avoided for years. After completeing them I see now what she saw then when she thought them up. Why is it that I put them off for so long now she will never "see" them. Was it pushback, stubborness, aragance or just plain laziness that I did not complete them until now?

One of the major projects that Heather wanted done was a set of built in bookshelves in the living room and crown molding around the ceiling. It took me over three years to build the shelves for her and they were still not completed when she went into the hospital last week. They were built and loaded but not painted, she at least was able to see them filled. My father helped me yesterday to finsh some of the things that needed to be done in the bathroom before re-installing the toilet and sink, he also helped as we started to put the crown molding up in the living room. As we neared completion of a task all I could do was to think of how much my wife saw ahead and how little I did to help her see it now. I know somewhere and some how she is still fussing about this corner or that brush stroke, I just wished that I was able to hear her say it and do it right this time.

Why is that we think we have forever?


  1. Scott? may I ask that you tell us > what brought Heather to the hospital? What was it that took her from you/us?
    Yes, I know about her sarcoma (too well, since I suffer the same)..but I'd like to know what was the final straw?
    It seems to have happened so quickly..
    Was it that the partial tumor/ovaries, etc. remained..and they took new, destructive life?
    I'm sorry to be so blunt..I know you are suffering terrible loss and are in mourning.. but what happened?
    Can you tell us, please?

  2. Scott,

    Don't feel too bad about putting off the Honey Do's. Heather loved you and accepted you as you are. Yes, she grumbled about tasks left unfinished, but don't all us wives ? :)She was very proud of the shelves and was frustrated that now that you had them up, she couldn't paint them. We talked about how maybe we could use some of the less toxic paints to finish them. There was always tomorrow. None of us knew that we would not have our tomorrows with Heather.

    I'm not sure about anyone else, but these posts help me too. Sometimes I get very angry at Heather's death. It always seems to be the treatments that wear the body down and make our loved ones leave us too soon.

    I too thought I had more time to do things for Heather, to be a good friend to her, to help her and comfort her. It helps me to know that you feel some peace.